Welcome to “The Blame Game”

Welcome to “The Blame Game”! Today we have thousands of talking heads playing the Blame Game, hoping to go home with the prize! Ding! Ding! Ding! —A job with the very next campaign! As an overpaid poll divining analyst! Or better yet a high born political appointee! With a nameplate, a grey metal desk and a window with a view of a boiler! Ding! Ding! Ding!

Cable Network Talking Head Contestant Number One!

Yes, Dave?

What’s your answer? Who do you blame?

I blame white suburban women and Harris’ choice of pantsuits that-

Contestant Number Two, what’s your answer?

I blame Biden for not dropping out early enough to-

Contestant Number Three, what’s your answer?

I blame the lack of specifics in messaging regarding the tax credits for-

BZZZZZZZZT. And that’s the buzzer telling us it’s time to hear from today’s sponsor.

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And now back to our show!

(Hundreds compete to win the blame game.)

Finally! Contestant Number 1,476, what’s your answer?

I blame Kamala Harris’ uncle Fredo Harris whose Haitian stepdaughter was just too—

BZZZZT. And that’s the buzzer ending our final round of inane chatter and forgettable insights from our hundreds of amazing talking heads!

And what’s this, Judges? Ding! Ding! Ding! It appears we have no winner. Which means it’s time to take a break so we can hear from your fantastic host, me.

Well, America, every analysis I have heard has been wrong, myopic, misguided, flabbergasting and first and foremost fantastically idiotic. Ding! Ding! Ding! That’s right, America! Every analysis of the failure of the Democratic Party to win the 2024 election was beyond absurd and asinine, every analysis ranged from feeble to fatuous, from laughable to ludicrous--and for the bonus daily double: None of it’s worth a spitoon of Gila Monster spit.

Well, you might ask, what is the correct answer? Who do we blame for the loss of a brilliant candidate to a babbling moron?

Ding! Ding! Ding!

Are you ready? Here’s my take.

1. The Democratic Party ran a nearly flawless campaign. The Democratic Party doesn't need to change a damned thing. Thank you, Kamala and Tim.

2. Journalism and politics must be denuded of money or we are doomed to repeat the same pattern. Fox News has twice the viewers of all three cable news networks combined, which means most news consumers in this nation consume a steady diet of lies and comic book level conspiracy crap that enriches their tiny furtive imaginations and impoverishes our nation’s civic life. For those in rural news deserts throughout God’s red America they only have right-wing hate radio and their local right-wing pastors and preachers regurgitating a distorted Gospel of dystopian Christianity into their heads. All of it reinforced online with content designed by an algorithm to seduce your average keyboard knuckler by inducing intoxicating rage and voila, an otherwise meaningless existence takes on rich meaning when one is a warrior in a cosmic battle of divinely ordained good versus evil. Far-right media tools like Sinclair’s right-wing TV stations, a pantheon of Russian bribed right wing online influencers and radical hate stoking radio talk show hosts all across your radio dial have flooded the vast news deserts of the heartland with their hatred of all things progressive. And this at a time when financial vultures are picking America’s dying newspapers clean, euthanizing America’s true watchdogs small town editor by small town editor.

   

3. 2024 was not a contest between values or policies that need to be fine-tuned to better attract voters for the next race. The only ones making that argument are the profiteering political consulting class of policy fine tuners. Gasbags.

4. Allow me to pop their populism bubble. 2024 was a contest between a diverse coalition of educated rational citizens who believe in evidence-based policy-making warring against a homogeneous coalition of millions of uneducated irrational citizens targeted and misinformed by billionaire subsidized media sources in small communities dominated by theocratic pastors and preachers. Without the initial river of private subsidies from fat cat wingnuts Fox would be broadcasting today out of a trailer in Benson with a hanger for an antenna.

5. Capitalism regulated to mitigate economic injustice is an ideal system when contrasted with all others. That same system, deifying profit, has corrupted journalism as surely as it has corrupted government, two institutions that must become publicly funded transparent institutions and cleansed of corruption. The capitalist dream that has blessed us with the most prosperous economy in the world is a nightmare when unleashed in the easily corrupted realms of news gathering and political debate. I know. This is as unthinkable as healthcare for all.

6. Ding! Ding! Ding! I’m afraid that’s all our time. Thanks to our talking head contestants for wasting our time and thanks to me, your host, Captain Buzzkill, and all of you for being here with us to play the “Blame Game”, brought to you by our sponsors, “Amused to Death”, makers of low information voters and “Broken Systems —Ensuring the status quo for journalism and politics will never change”.

Stay tuned for “Voice of the People”, featuring our hilarious street interviews by Smug Perkins with low propensity voters, all of whom know nothing yet believe anything their candidate spoon feeds them, followed by our old favorite “Democratic Party Time Circular Firing Squad” from the Nostalgia Network.

Well, that’s it for this season.

Meanwhile your host will stick with the Democratic Party I voted for.

See you next season on “The Blame Game” when our theme will be “Don’t blame me —I voted for Kamala.”

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