Verily, they're at it again

Good God, do they not grasp the value of a secular state?

Recently Arizona’s MAGA Republican lawmakers proposed a Senate Bill mandating the posting of the Ten Commandments in every classroom.  

Again.

“Behold, thou Godless Arizonans!”

Now I’m not a religious man but I’d support their proposal if they ordered public schools to post their lesser-known version of the Ten Commandments, which they follow religiously. I truly would. Behold the “Ten MAGA Commandments”, you Godless heretics and heathens:

“The Ten MAGA Commandments”

1. Thou shall have no God but Trump.

2. Thou shall not reveal the source of thy political donations. No Goddam way.

3. Thou shall remember the Sean Hannity hour and keep it Holy.

4. Thou shall take the Lord’s name in vain in thy campaign speeches and thou shall claim Jesus as your running mate and while you’re at it thou shall drag Christ’s cross up on stage with you and nail yourself to it, Kari.

5. Thou shall hate the least among us. For verily thy marginalized and thy immigrants make phenomenal scapegoats in campaign season.

6. Thou shall not kill fetuses, but, for the love of God, if thou art a Republican who hath committed adultery send thy harlot out of state for her abortion. Quietly, damn it.

7. Thou shall steal elections from the People, tax dollars from Public Education funds and what the Hell, steal whatever you want.

8. Thou shall bear false witness. Verily, thy entire party is based on bearing false witness. The Almighty God of thy Evangelicals, TV Evangelists and Pussy Grabbers is a merciful God.

9. Thou shall covet power and thou shall have dominion over Arizona’s heathen majority and Arizona’s women by gerrymandering and restricting voting rights and rigging safe districts and stacking thy Courts with God’s chosen. All it will cost you is thy soul. And thy Democracy.

10. And most important. Thou shall honor your corporate donors.

There they are. The Ten True MAGA Commandments.

Satan

For jollies let’s now examine two of the familiar Ten Commandments every single Mini-Moses in Maricopa County aches to enshrine in our public schools twixt the homework assignments and today’s cafeteria lunch menu.

Let us begin with Commandment number six. Thou shall not kill.

Well, that one certainly takes the bloodthirsty fun out of a century of proudly yanking the noose, throwing the switch, dropping the cyanide, and injecting lethal poison down at the State’s death house.  Curiously, “God’s children” on Arizona’s Death Row are exceptions to the “foundational” law our MAGA mullahs demand we follow.

And while I’m harping on hypocrisy permit me here to curse our bilious bastards in lizard boots on behalf of the dear friends and acquaintances we lost during a pandemic that was denied a vigorous collective response by our state’s anti-mask anti-science Bible bopping blood stained hillbillies in bola ties who chose commerce over containing a lethal contagion.

And lo, the Angel of Death had a Gawd awful grim reaper’s holiday murdering multitudes of our vulnerable fellow citizens that did not have to die.

How do Arizona’s disciples of Donald the blithering $60 Bible salesman feel about commandment number five? For those of you who aren’t Talmudic scholars this law calls on the Chosen to honor our father and mother. How do Arizona’s elect honor our fathers and mothers? By backing the phony pharisee in Florida who has vowed to cut Medicare and Social Security.

Posting an ancient Hebraic code for all to obey is a curious proposition coming from Trump’s holocaust denying chattel, the shit for brains sheep who heap adoration on their Hitler quoting Q-Anon candidate. There is vomit inducing irony in witnessing Arizona’s churchy anti-Semitic chumps tremble before ancient Jewish rules writ on stone with phony awe and reverence, like the ooh-ooh-oohing dawn-of-man dirt slapping apes, groveling before the great humming monolith in “2001”, completely uncomprehending of the contents within. It is beyond this heathen’s understanding how Arizona’s plague of toads among the tumbleweeds can reconcile their professed love of the ten laws found in the Torah, in the Book of Exodus, the central story of the Jews, with their welcoming embrace of too many of America’s torch bearing you-will-not-replace-us troglodytes.

The greatest portryal of a Jew by an Episcopalian ever filmed.

I look forward to their future proposals calling for the posting of Buddhist principles, the Threefold Path of Zoroastrianism, the tenets of Navajo belief and the Taoist Way in our classrooms.

I look forward to their distribution of our finest Founder’s take on the

Christ: “The Jefferson Bible: The Life and Morals of Jesus of Nazareth”, a fine, modest treatise which excludes the fabled miracles and supernatural showstoppers like the resurrection finale.

T. Jefferson, unelectable heretic.

I thank Governor Hobbs for revering the merits of secularism. For saving us from democracy’s every jaw flapping Judas. For upholding Thomas Jefferson’s beloved separation of Church and State in our common-sense forsaken state.

And verily, I say unto thee, for our Taliban with tumbleweeds for brains, the End Times are coming. And lo, it’s called Election Day.

And bless patriotic organizations like Secular Arizona for keeping us informed.

https://secularaz.salsalabs.org/newsletter-3-15-2024_copy1