UA Bulletin: Course Offerings for Summer 2024

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Colloquium on Financial Oversight. A preparatory study, followed by a debate and conversation formulating policies centered on the question of how a university’s budget shortfall can be closer to $140 million than a previously reported $240 million and why an abacus was involved. The role of the misplaced comma will be discussed. What changes in budget practices and oversight maybe implemented and who will pay the parking tab for the colloquium participants. The $35 million shortfall fumbled by the athletic department will be tackled with sports metaphors.

Common Administration Practices in Academic Institutions. Taught by Professors Robbins and Rulney. How overspending with minimal oversight, by the overpaid, leads to consequences for the underpaid and why there is no shortage in academic institutions of the overpaid who spend their careers with minimal oversight.

Financial Management of Expenditures. Why some expenditures are called “dubious”, and others are called “Brilliant investments that look to the future” and how to spot the difference without laughing out loud.

Crisis Management 1. How to respond when an auditor says “uh oh” in a systematic fashion that inspires institution-wide faith in your ability to pass the buck down the line. How to distinguish a “patsy” from a “scapegoat”.

Crisis Management 2. We’ll study why asking for faculty input on proposed cuts is like asking which is preferable, a poke in the eye with a lance dating from the late middle-ages or a kick in the ribs with a steel toed boot.

Public Institution Linguistics. Why the phrase “hiring freeze” gives some chills. Interpreting sign language used by enraged faculty members at meetings will be reviewed at length.

Accountability and Reform. Why the phrase “The path forward” and “reasonable time frame” makes everyone break out in hives and look for the exits. Why monitoring overspending can be viewed by some as putting a “crimp in the fun”.  How the spectrum of reform can run from systemic bureaucratic changes to the construction of a 17th century wooden guillotine outside your office by “The Disgruntled Peasants”.

Understanding Cash on Hand. What is the minimum amount of cash an institution must have to remain liquid and when does one look over one’s shoulder for lifeboats. We’ll also examine questions such as does cash on hand include the pocket change in the pants pockets of administrators?

History of Arizona Board of Regents. We’ll examine the root of the word “regent” from the Latin “regere”, which means "to rule”, and why the word has always annoyed Arizona’s Governors. Boards of Regents and the prevalence of political incest, why introspection and self-inspection by Regents rarely pass inspection and typically invites rejection and ejection after each gubernatorial election.

Financial Folklore 201. Students will analyze financial mismanagement folklore through the ages, “The Great Budget Shortfall”, “The Winter Faculty Riots of ’23”, “The Hero of Haarlem: The story of the Dutch boy who saved his University by putting his finger in a leaking dike”, “The Transfiguration and Ascension of Chief Financial Officer Rulney” and “The Myth of Heeke and Icarus”.

Basic Math for Athletic Departments. Are loans to athletic departments generally a bad idea? Why the unathletic do not readily receive such loans. We’ll review Season 5 of “The Sopranos” for insight. We’ll answer the theoretical question “if an athletic department receives $87 million in loans and 4-years later has yet to repay them why hasn’t Joe Pesci shown up with a baseball bat?”

Sports Gambling. Betting on athletic departments and why your odds are better betting on a slot machine at a biker bar in Laughlin. How “Backslapping Country Club” tribalism among Alpha males and the militaristic imperative plays a role in the funding of athletic departments. How the “Blame Game” playoffs and the “Passing of the buck” play were developed. How increasing game ticket prices in 3rd century led to the destruction of the Colosseum and the fall of Rome.

References:

7 things to know about UA’s financial crisis
https://azluminaria.org/2023/12/08/7-things-to-know-about-uas-financial-crisis

ABOR clarifies UA budget shortfall, says athletics responsible for $35 million of $140 million deficit
https://azcapitoltimes.com/news/2024/01/27/abor-clarifies-ua-budget-shortfall-says-athletics-responsible-for-35-million-of-140-million-deficit/