Top 15 MAGA hits on Kamala and Harris

Sticking to the important issues in 2024

1. Oh My God! Harris likes Doritos. She even binge-eats Doritos!

2. Kamala is “Not a smart person”. This from the orange man-whose former Secretary of State, Rex Tillerson, described him as a”fucking moron”. Not “smart” strategy coming from a third rate reality TV star who can barely read his scripts

   

3. “Walz wants tampons in boys’ bathrooms.” Right-wing Carrie nightmare alert! This weird fear-of-tampons-mongering is based on Governor Walz signing a law that simply required schools to make period supplies available to “menstruating students” in fourth through twelfth grade. And what have we learned? Right-wing snowflakes fear hygiene. Because they were raised in 1864. And they are OUT OF THEIR MINDS.

   

4. Despite Waltz having served in the military for more than two decades, according to Corporal Bone Spurs (CBS), Master Sergeant Walz doesn’t measure up to JD Vance’s standards, who served in Iraq for 6-months as a paper pushing Sad Sack.

5. Kamala only recently “happened to turn Black.” From the Party that only recently turned into an insane cult for basement dwellers.

6. “Her laugh is weird.” And it’s laughably weird that it matters to some of those weird weirdos.

7. Her joy freaks them out, too. Weird.

8. And Tim Walz loving his son, Gus. They see that and they are as perplexed by a real man loving his family as the apes in 2001 were perplexed by the humming black monolith.

   

9. The more than 200 Bush, McCain, Romney alums who endorsed Harris for president and criticized Trump are so dumb— none of them “get Trump” the way the MAGA in-crowd gets him, none of them realized the star of “The Apprentice” was kidding the whole time!

10. Walz was an assistant football coach not the head coach, he retired as a master sergeant, not a command sergeant major, and Vance pointed out Walz misidentified their intrauterine insemination therapy IUI as IVF. Holy shit! Thanks for this criticism from the Party of Donald Trump, world renowned for their fidelity to accuracy and truth.

11. Harris is soft on crime and believes in open borders despite overwhelming evidence she’s tough on crime and believes in a secure border. And will sign the Bill Trump killed, adding security to the border.

12. Did we mention Doritos?

    

13. When Walz was a teacher, he took his students to China every summer. He must be a communist. Or a Chinese robot! Or a Manchurian candidate. Or maybe the Chinese have a blurry sex tape of a yeti in a plaid shirt…in an opium den…in a Covid lab in Wuhan…and Alex Jones and Mike Lindell should investigate this…

14. When Waltz was a teacher, he stood up against bullies in defense of LGBTQ students. Even helped them to form a club. That’s suspicious. He must be a groomer. First right-wing troll to post “he lured children into his barn with Doritos dipped in Mayo” wins a repost from Donald the Dolt in Chief.

15. Tim Walz must have lied about his dog “Scout” because he posed with two different dogs at a dog park. Gotcha! Which is it?

    That’s all they got: juvenile bullshit schoolyard insults. The kind of garbage the titans of toxic masculinity regurgitate faster than you can say “knuckledragging wife beaters, bullies and homophobes.”

    And bullshit sprinkled with madeup stats and numbers from their Fox alternate universe.

    And take it from this master of the insult, an experienced roaster with a four-decade standup career: insult “humor” is the lowest, easiest form of humor there is. So easy a half-wit with a reality show can wing it.

    For only so long. Man, his act is old.