Texas tackles the chaos at their border in 2033

Governor Abbott looks ahead to his sixth term

He wheeled his wheelchair around, turning his back on his circle of advisors seated at the long table in his office.

Governor Greg Abbott rolled it over to the window, looked out over the skyline of Austin and declared “I love this job.“

Behind him, he could hear his advisors shuffle their papers and slip them into their valises.

His Attorney General, Ken Paxton, was the first to speak.“You know, Governor, there will be legal challenges. The old ‘cruel and unusual' bullshit. From the woke open borders crowd.”

One of Abbott’s lesser advisors, nicknamed “Tex” drawled, “What about the people, Govuhnuh?”

Abbott grinned. “My supporters? Listen Tex, the voters of my state will love it. They love cruelty.”

“The trespassuhs, Govuhnuh. The people crossing over from Mexico. Seems harsh, Suh.”

Paxton sighed. "Every election cycle we have to up the ante on these people. They’re vermin. Like our President said years ago."

Tex raised his hand. “Remembuh what happened the last election cycle when we put fresh water piranha in the Rio Grande? The Feds quashed that fastuh than you can say Tofu Tamales. Some Clean Rivuhs, bullshit.”

“Language, Tex.” The Governor, a Christian man, sighed, noting he remembered that case. “All the way to the Supreme Court. I was surprised at the ruling.”

Paxton said, “We all were, sir. But their ruling didn’t come down before the pictures were on the front page of every paper in this state and the Fox News video went viral and we won that election.”

The Governor mused, “How many terms ago was that? I love unlimited terms. The thrashing was something to see.”

Tex groused, “The EPA is still on our case about the cost of clean up, Govuhnuh.”

“What’s a little blood in the Rio Grande?” Said Paxton.

From the far end of the long table the Governor’s chief advisor on immigration issues mumbled, “Poisoning our blood and our rivers.”

The Governor wheeled around to face his staff. “Speak up, Ross.”

I said, “They aren’t happy poisoning our blood. You knew it wouldn’t be long before they would be poisoning our rivers.”

“Well it’s another election, Ross, and we have to up the ante, like Paxton here said.”

Governor Abbott turned to Tex, the newly appointed head of the new office of “Cruel Measures” and posed the question on everyone’s mind. “Think it will work, Tex?”

Tex, leaned back in his chair, stroked his chin, pushed his Stetson back and said,”Lining the Rio Grande with convicted trespassers should send a message, sir."

Paxton said, “Despite the predictable objections from the Feds and every liberal on the coasts I think this approach to the chaos on the border will send the message Texas means business about respecting our borders.”

Abbott grinned back at Paxton. “And I’ll be re-elected in a landslide. Tell me again how much it will cost to install these things, Tex? You said 15 feet apart. 12 feet high. The cross beams need to be how wide?”

Tex pointed over his shoulder to the diagram on the easel standing directly behind him. “Well, sir, 2.3 million dollars. And to ansuh your question about the crossbeams, they will be wider than the span of a standard adult’s arms when extended out to the side, which is about 5-feet, suh.”

“And you said earlier we’ll use American-made nails? Nice touch. America first!”

Tex bit his lip. “Screws, actually, Govuhnuh. Metal screws. Three-inch pan-head sheet metal screws. They will be American made, suh. I can promise you that.”

The Governor looked perplexed. ”Metal screws, huh? So these crosses won’t be made of wood?”

“No, suh. Wood’s biodegradable, suh. We have to think of the planet, suh. The crosses will be made of stainless steel. American made, stainless steel, suh.”

“Fantastic. Made in America is a good selling point. Voters will eat it up. Tell me, Tex, how will it work?”

“It’s quite simple, suh. The crosses will be hinged, attached to concrete blocks in the ground. Like ah said, 15-feet apaht. Picture them like drawbridges, that we can raise and lower easily. We’ll screw right through the flesh with power drills faster than you can say ‘the stars at night are big and bright’ and fasten them on the back with 3/8” zinc-plated nuts. We can have them up along the entire border and running 364-days a yeah, sir, in no time at all.”

Abbott did the math. “Why not 365-days a year, Tex?”

“Good Friday, suh. Just wouldn’t look rat, suh.”

Paxton bowed his head. “After all we are a Christian people, Governor.”

“Good point, Paxton.” The Governor nodded his approval. “Tell me again, what are we calling our little deterrent program?”

Tex paused to spit into the spittoon at his feet and continued. “We’re calling it ‘Operation Crassus’, Govuhnuh.”

“Who was he?”

“Crassus was the Roman empuhruh who had six thousand rebellious Spahtans crucified along the road to Rome, suh.”

Paxton chimed, “The Appian Way. “

“You just love showing off the fine education you got at Baylor, Ken. You are shameless, boy.”

“Yes, sir.”

Ben Jones, Abbott’s Secretary of State, seated at the other end of the table, raised his hand. “Will we be crucifying Mexican children, too?”

“Well, Ben,” Tex answered, “Fuhst of all, not all trespassuhs are Mexican. They are coming heah from all over. If they ah tried as adults and convicted they give us no choice. Now do they, Ben?”

Ben grinned. “I guess not. That will teach those animals to cross us.”

“Oh, don’t be crass,” said Paxton. The men laughed at the jokey exchange.

As his team snickered, Governor Abbot, certain this would insure his seventh term, smiled. He thought to himself this latest “deterrent program” would be cruel enough to please the cruelest voter. Crueler than the Feds separating children from their parents and throwing them in cages way back before the twenties. More cruel than flying asylum seekers to American cities far from their destination families in the dead of winter without shoes. Or stopping Border Patrol Agents from rescuing them when they were drowning back in ‘24.

Abbott thought of the press, the images. The Rio Grande lined with crosses, all facing south. The voters will love it. This really ups the game. Abbott rubbed his hands together, unable to contain his glee. This would be better than the electrified fence! He really should have thought that one through. That got messier than expected. The turkey vultures and coyotes left human remains everywhere. The land mines were a mistake, too. Too many survived. Hobbling around. Weeping. More blood and remains everywhere. The introduction of the Mexican Grey Wolves injected with rabies along the river sounded promising. That backfired back in 2030 when that Border Patrol Agent got bit, rejected treatment and shot up an elementary school. The real disappointment was the Piranha stunt the damned Feds ruined just last year.

Abbott sat up straight in his wheelchair and addressed his advisors. “Look, gentlemen, as we all know, cruelty sells in this country and here in the Lone Star state. As Tex here, our new director of ‘Cruel Measures’ can tell you, none of us likes doing this anymore than the next patriot.” A number of his fellow Texans nodded. “But we love our state.” More nodding. “And these invaders give us no choice but to defend our borders any way we can.” The Governor bowed his head. “May God give us the strength to do what we must do. If crucifying these vermin won’t do the trick I don’t know what will.” Abbott paused and grinned. “Now get out there and nail down this election, boys.” The men chuckled at Governor Abbott’s play on words as they stood and ambled out of their Governor’s office.