The New American Ten Commandments

God has spoken to His beloved Christian Evangelicals

And Donald Trump spoke unto the Christian Right, saying, “After leading my people to the promised land, which I promised to make great again, I ascended to the Penthouse atop Trump Tower where Stormy’s burning bush spoke to me and verily these phenomenal Ten Commandments were given to me. Which I now give to you. I added the asterisks.”

Coming this Sunday in “Arizona’s Progressive Voice”: Chapter 1 in a multi-part series “The Cyber Ninja Saga” by David Fitzsimmons

And lo, the Christian Right did kneel and worship the Orange Calf saying if we gain the whole world, the power and the glory and only for the cost of our souls, tell us, o Lord, where do we sign on?

And lo, the old commandments were forsaken and mocked by the Christian Right and broken asunder and turned to dust. And the Christian Right came to obey the new commandments, like unto sheep, and Donald Trump did lead them into the political wilderness. None heeded the prophecy He would forsake them. Instead they gave into temptation and heeded the serpent’s tongue. And lived by His commandments.

1. Thou shalt have no demagogues before me.

2. Thou shalt not make any graven images of yours truly without paying the Trump Organization our licensing fee or verily, thy thumbs will be broken.

3. Thou shalt not take my name in vain unless thou wanteth some Proud Boy breathing down your neck late at night.

4. Honor thy father and mother unless they were P.O.W.s or wounded in battle.

5. Thou shalt not kill. Just soften them up a little.  

6. Thou shalt not commit adultery close to an election. *

7. Thou shalt not steal. **

8. Thou shalt not covet. ***

9. Thou shalt bear false witness about who won the 2020 election. 

10. If thou art condemned to Hell for breaking any of God’s Commandmants and thou hast enough shekels to appeal to higher courts for all eternity all bets are off and thou shalt go for it.

*Unless you trust your lawyer to deliver the hush money to thy harlot without snitching to the Feds like a disgusting rat.

**Unless it’s an election thou art stealing.

***Unless it is thy firstborn daughter.

And then Donald spoke to the Trumpites, saying, “I say unto thee there is one commandment above all else and that commandment is this: Do unto others before they do it unto you. And always find a way to pin it on someone else. Verily, I say unto you, my beloved, only losers get caught breaking commandments.”

Coming this Thursday in “Arizona’s Progressive Voice”: “How Trump negotiated a phenomenal outcome to the American Civil War” by David Fitzsimmons