A visit with Santa

And what is your name?

Wyatt.

Wyatt! That’s a fine name. Have you been a good boy this year?

Yes, Santa.

What you would like for Christmas, Wyatt?

For Christmas?

Yes, Wyatt, what would you like for Christmas?

First, make the Electoral College disappear.

Ho,ho,ho. I can’t do that, Wyatt.

You’re Santa! You can do anything.

What else is on your list?

Reverse the Supreme Court ruling saying money was free speech. That is BS.

And that is naughty language, Wyatt. Your name is going on my naughty list.

Sorry, Santa.

Watch what you say, little boy.

So you got an enemies list just like President Trump. I didn’t know. You’re sort of a fascist aren’t you?

What do you want, kid?

For Christmas I want you to reverse the Supreme Court ruling that said money is free speech.

Can’t. That’s up to you. And millions just like you. When you’re old enough to vote you can elect a President who’ll nominate-

Whoa, whoa, whoa! For Christmas I want you to make me old enough to vote.

Can’t.

Jesus Christ.

Reason for the Season!

Sorry.

Wyatt! You just blasphemed. That’s two strikes on my naughty list.

Really?

Yes, really.

I’m curious, Santa.

Great. What about?

Have you been to Mar-a-lago?

Well, I-

I thought so. All bets are off on your lame naughty and nice list if you’re giving Trump anything. He’s the naughtiest grownup I know! You grownups are all hypocrites.

Wyatt. I just didn’t want to get off on the wrong foot with the new President. What with him being re-elected to the White House and having immunity and all.

What? You, too? You’re cowering in advance of him becoming President?

Well, uh-

What!? Do you think someday he’d order F-16s to shoot down your sleigh if you piss him off? So he’s on your “nice” list?

Ho,ho,ho. I gave him what I call the North Pole Pardon. Listen pipsqueak, if he slaps tariffs on China it will raise the costs for our toy manufacturing operation. Through the roof. Every kid will get fewer gifts. And he said he may have to nationalize the Polar Express to help him deport undocumented workers. And that’s the tip of the iceberg.

Jesus! Sorry, Santa.

That’s Strike Three.

What else is he thinking of doing that worries you?

Well…

Is Trump going to let Elon replace you with an A.I. “Santa” bot?

Not that I heard…but just to be safe…

So he’s really truly off your naughty and nice list?

Completely. He’s got Kringle Immunity.

I want immunity for Christmas!

Ho,ho,ho. And ho. Very funny.

This is so unfair.

Oh, Wyatt, can’t you be good for goodness sake?! Listen, Wyatt, there’s a lot of kids waiting in line to see me. What else do you want for Christmas? Make it snappy, squirt.

Okay. Here’s a few things. Separate capitalism out from journalism and our politics. The profit incentive has ruined both, making them nothing more that tools for corrupt oligarchs. Make both entities publicly funded. And one more thing. Make lying in either entity a felony. If my mom says I shouldn’t lie why should they get away with it?

Slow down.

And a balanced Supreme Court. I want a balanced Supreme Court.

What?

A balanced Supreme Court. Fifteen Justices with term limits. Also for Christmas I’d like it if you’d make voting mandatory. And make Election Day a national holiday. And kill the filibuster.

How big is your list?

Here.

Whoa. What else you got?

Magically transform low information voters into critical thinkers.

How?

Don’t you have brains or common sense in your bag to hand out like the Wizard of Oz handed out to Dorothy’s friends?

Nope. Don’t you have a “fun” Christmas wish, Wyatt? How would you like to meet Rudolph? Or Frosty the Snowman?

Frosty isn’t long for this warming world. And neither is your North Pole.

Like I don’t know? We’re all dreaming of white Christmases back home up there. All my toy makers are wearing waders and life vests these days. We’re going under faster than Micronesia. And our flood insurance company is dropping us. And-

The super rich don’t care, Santa.

Wyatt, it’s true. I’m afraid some are Grinches. But, you can’t generalize like that-

Nasty wasty oligarchs.

What?

Oligarchs. Democracy can’t serve the common good if it serves only the rich, Santa. And apparently they even own you.

Thanks for the “gift” of your insights, Wyatt. Come back when you decided what cheap plastic elf-produced toy you want for Christmas. Until then keep your “enemy within” talk to yourself. Ho,ho,ho. You’re such a smart boy, Wyatt. Smart as the whip I use on my reindeer. Candy cane?

Naw. Sugar’s a killer. Listen, snowbeard, I know when I’m getting the bum’s rush. Thanks for nothing, Santa. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, Wyatt. Next

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