Your Tumamoc Glossary

A guide to Tucson's soaring Sonoran "Mt. Sinai" with a dash of "Golgotha" crossed with a side of Venice Beach. With Saguaros.

Where else can you see the amazing beautiful diversity of Tucson? And such specatucalr views? These days I have the time and the motivation to get fit which means I am going full on “Moses” these days and scaling Tumamoc as often as I can. Why? Because it’s there. And because when I woke up the morning after I got my second shot at a good life stent I walked down the hall of the cardiac unit and saw my goal. Tumamoc!

The Official Fitz Tumamoc Glossary

Tumamockery: The act of ridiculing slow walkers.

Tumajoggers: Just know we hate show-offs. I like to go halfway. Turn around and jog back down like I’m an Olympian.

Tumagawking: Ogling your fellow pilgrims to the summit. You are un pinche cabron.

Tumarockandroller: The beasts who run up and down Tumamoc after inviting their dad along just to humiliate the old man. You know who you are. Pinche cabron punk.

Tumamock-a-doodle-doo: The cheer often crowed by one who has arrived at the summit after an arduous climb.

Doomamoc: Why I wear “medivac orange” when I walk Tumamoc.

Tumarocky: Yeah. We see you, Sylvester Stallone. Good for you.

Tumamobbed: Go at 4. It’s less crowded.

A family of mule deer I saw late in the afternoon. They’re called mule deer because they have long ears like mules. I think they should be called jackrabbit mules but what do I know?

Two-by-Tumamockers: Get out of the way you two desert tortoises. Move for God’s sake.

Gloomamoc: The depsair you feel when you know you should have done Tumamoc that day but you didn’t. You went to Pat’s Chili Dogs instead.

Tumastalker: Creep. We hope you trip and break more than your stride.

Tumatalkers: How can we not eavesdrop?

Me, the human roadcone, and my fellow ROMEOs (Really Old Men Exercising Often) John Booth, Eric Ericccssson, Tom “The Real Deal” Beal, my bud Elliot Glicksman (Our leader, our Moses) and Rick the Retired prosecutor who know where the bodies are buried.