It’s your plan to have the entire US-Mexico border wall painted black?
Painting it black will make it unpleasant to touch and harder to climb on and over. I got the idea from Melania.
Melania?
She only wears black lingerie to bed with Donald. He hasn’t attempted to climb on top of her in years.
Sources tell us you actually got the idea from-
President Trump? Yes, sir, our beloved great President claimed to me he got the phenomenal idea that black objects exposed to sunlight get hotter than objects that ain’t black from his Uncle who worked at MIT on a cure for plaid.
Who?
I don’t know. Some crap, he made it up.
Nice chaps. You dropped your AR-15.
Oh, sugar pops! Whoa. Got it.
Nice vest.
It was Rambo’s. Got it from a rummage sale in Casper. Lady had a bunch of movie props from Hollywood. Or maybe she got it from a Spencer’s in Spokane. I ain’t sure.
Wow. Are the hand grenades real?
Don’t touch ‘em, darlin’.
The rocket launchers?
You don’t want to find out the hard way, pardner. Like my wooden hobby horse? You can pet her. She’s a wild one. Whoa! Down, girl. Whoaaaa.
No, thanks.
Carved it myself with this here Bowie knife. I use this little beauty to pick my teeth. And to puncture my cheeks when the humidity makes ‘em balloon up like infected cow udders.
Fascinating. Back to the wall.
Okay, darlin’, I got the idea from Trump which means he got it from some MAGA basement dweller online who dropped his trousers on a dare, sat his MAGA muffins on a black hot iron manhole cover in July and burned the city seal of Boise on his butt cheeks and that’s good enough for this White House, and it’s good enough for this cosplay cowgirl.
I have some questions-
And I want music blasting from speakers into Mexico around the clock.
What? This is the first time we’ve heard of this-
I see a rust wall. And I want it painted black. No migrants anymore. I want them to turn back.
Why are you singing like Mick Jagger?
Who is Mick Jagger? I look inside myself and see my heart is black. I see a red wall. I must have it painted black. Maybe then, I'll fade away. And not have to face the facts. It's not easy facing up. When your whole world is black.
So you’re a Stones’ fan?
Who?
The Rolling Stones.
Never heard of them. I had a mare that had stones. Shot her. The truth is I wanted the wall to match the color of JD’s sexy hot eyeliner: ”Sinister Black No.6. Too hot to touch”. Know what I mean?
No. I don’t. What about the cost?
I asked myself what can we spend millions of taxpayer dollars on that’s simpler than electrifying the whole thing and yet cheaper than a moat with live sharks?
And your answer was?
1,000,000,000 gallons of black paint from the Walmart in Pierre, South Dakota after Donny threatens them if they don’t “roll back” the price on their exterior paint. He’s amazing at that.
Isn’t it cruel to make the wall-
Bwahahahahahahahahaha.
Never mind. What about actual immigration reform?
Bwahahahahahahahahaha.
Never mind.
Listen, prairie flower. What says “America” better than a 2,000 mile long black wall?
Liberty’s torch? The Constitution? Emma Lazaru’s poem?
Bwahahahahahahahahaha. Oh, man, you are what we call in South Dakota a hoot. Bwahahahahaha. A real live snowflake.
Any other great ideas?
Yes, sir, city slicker. We’re thinking of painting a lot of things over with black paint. The Constitution. The Epstein files. Couple of museum exhibits. Black is the new red, white and blue.
How are you going to-
I can’t wait to tour our black wall. I’m getting a black cosplay catwoman costume to match. And a cape. Only thing hotter than the wall will be me.
Thanks for your time, Madam Secretary.
Stick around. My ICE agents are waiting outside. They want a word with you. Hi-yo Silver away!
, US Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem has said, crediting President Donald Trump for the idea.
When was the last time anyone in this administration was given a mental wellness check?
Symptoms:
- Pathological lying
- Wildly exaggerating everything to prove a point, true or not
- Total lack of empathy
- Deriving pleasure from other people's pain, either by witnessing it, or causing it directly
- Inability to construct a coherent sentence, often with slurred speech
- Lashing out, censuring, or canceling anyone who disagrees with you
- Willingness to exceed your authority, even to break laws to get what you want
Do you recognize any of these warning signs? All of these antisocial (many would say, Anti-American) traits and behaviors are treatable, if only the people who display them would seek help from professionals.
Much better use of funds than health care, the environment or Social Security. Our new flag colors; Gold, Black and Blue… Can’t wait to hear the new pledge of allegiance.