Tony Soprano sees an old friend at the end of his drive

Donnie

Donnie was feeling pretty good when he walked down to the end of his driveway after putting on a good show at the Republican convention in that “ awful town back in Wisconsin.”

His neighbor Tony Soprano startled him when he shouted at him. Tony Soprano cupped his hands like melons and waved from the top of his driveway. “Hey, Boom Botz! Nice production values but where were the showgirls with the tits? The old Ba-da bing! Your new Preacher pals re cramping your style.”

Trump laughed at him like he was crazy and as he picked up his Sunday morning Wall Street Journal he mouthed the words “fake news”.

”Donnie! Baby. Nice bandage on your ear there, Vincent Van Gogh! You’re a hero, man.”

Trump walked toward Tony smiling. Shrugging his shoulders.

Tony pointed up to Heaven. “I’m sure your old friend up there, John McCain, is thinking ’some people think he’s a big hero because he got nicked in the ear. I prefer heroes who don’t get nicked in the ear.’ Get it, Donnie? Karma, man. Capische?”

“It’s a miracle you did not die, Mister Trump.” Tony clutched his shoulders and looked deep into his squinting eyes and saw no light. He never did. Only two tiny insatiable black holes. Tony stepped to his side , threw his arm around him, hugged him tight and tugged on his ear. Donald yelped.

“I read that they thought you could use this to your advantage like Hitler did.” Tony, the old lapsed Catholic clutched his crucifix and winked at Trump. “Martyrs do wonders for a cause. Vatican built a Ponzi scheme on it.”

Donny shrugged again.

“I saw you deny you knew anything about Project 2024. Beautiful. With a straight face. You!”

With his other other hand Tony fiddled with his rosary and his tone turned sinister and malevolent.”I couldn’t believe it. So close to blowing your brains out. Was God protecting you Donald?”

“I really think so, Tony. A lot of people say that’s true. A lot of people.”

“Who?”

“A lot of people.”

“Who?”

“People!”

“You think God is watching out for you?”

“A lot of evangelical preachers say I am God’s imperfect vessel.”

“When the classified docs case was dropped I thought holy shit that’s some miracle.” He sprinkled the air in front of him with magic. “Was it God, Donald? Or was it the devil’s handiwork?” He burst out laughing and slapped Donald on the back.

Donald chuckled. “Heh heh..about that little miracle..The Lord works in mysterious ways. That gal Aileen Cannon’s a hot looker, too. People don’t know that about her.”

“Was it a miraculous intervention by God that saved you from a guilty verdict on both impeachment charges ?”

“The Lord pleads the fifth.” Trump crossed his red tie and looked to heaven. “You know Tony there are many many parts of the Bible I like. I think my favorite story is about when Jesus goes to the Olive Garden to pray.”

“Gethsemane.”

“And the Italian soldiers come to arrest him like the FBI and the DOJ is always after me.”

“The Romans.”

“Right, Romanians from the Bellagio in Jerusalem show up and a soldier raises his sword to Jesus and Jesus’ friend the angel Peter Gabriel cuts off the soldiers ear and Jesus says let me heal your ear and he says we can’t let violent rhetoric poison our dialogue. And I think that’s beautiful.

And they take Jesus down like Biden’s weaponized department of justice is trying to take me down-and they crucify him to pieces. I hate crowns of thorns. Horrible things. Nails through the hands. I got small hands. No thank you.”

Tony stretched and scratched. “Enough Sunday School, Donnie. I got physical therapy at 10. Remember when junior shot me? I’m still paying for it. Stay low. Beef up that security. And what was the point of your Bible story?”

“The lesson from that Bible story is clear. He should have been planting judges for years and had the courts rigged in his favor like I did. Who needs miracles when you are God?”

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