The prayer of America's "Men of God"

While we're all sending thoughts and prayers for our Democracy

Jesus taught, “When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men … but when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your father who is unseen.”

In this world there are amazing wonderful Christians who practice what they preach and then there are the pharisees and fools who disgrace their religion. Let’s listen in.

Bow your heads. Let us Pray.

Hey, Mike, congratulations on winning the Speaker’s chair. What are you all doing? Looking for Boebert’s contact lens?

Shush. We’re praying with our new Speaker. Ordained by God himself.

Ordained by Donald Trump?

Yes, brother. Take a knee. Bow your heads. Let us Pray.

Craps! I’m in for $20.

We’re praying here.

Are the cameras on? I’m in. Move over.

Our Father which art in Mar-a-lago, we praise your mighty and powerful name and we beseech you to protect your servants here who trust in you, for we know, verily, the days of the Great Retribution are coming as revealed to us by thy Truth Social Account.

Hell ya!

Language, brother, language.

As I was saying. Lead us not into compromise but deliver us from evil Joe Biden and Hakeem Jeffries and Nancy Pelosi and all the demon Democrats here in this Lion’s den of sin and iniquity.

Of what?

Synchronicity?

Sin and iniquity!

Hakeem. Sounds like an infidel to me.

Ahem. Sin and iniquity! Smite them, O Orange Lord, with thy Proud Boys.

Amen. Mumble. Mumble. Christ! Who farted? Amen! Amen. Mumble. Praise Donald.

And let us rest in the Donald, and wait patiently for Him; for those evildoers who persecute our Orange Lord shall be cut off! And those of us who wait on the Orange Lord, shall inherit the House, the Senate and lo, the White House, and Trump’s trumpets shall sound and our Donald shall reign for ever and ever and give us this day a national ban on abortion, without exceptions.

Amen. Mumble. Whos got the dice?Amen! Amen. Mumble.

And smite the homosexual and all who practice bestiality.

What? Amen! Amen. Mumble. Amen, amen. Amen! Amen. Mumble.

And fully fund the Noah’s Ark theme Park.

Amen! Amen, amen. Amen! Don’t forget the Holy Salvation Slip’n’Slide Water Park in my district.

And fully fund the Holy Salvation Slip’n’Slide Water Park.

Amen, amen. Amen! Mumble. Amen.

And silence the wagging tongues of the Press, the enemy of our Lord and of thy people.

Amen! Amen! Mumble. Amen, amen. Amen! My knees are killing me. Amen! Amen. How long is this going to go on? Amen. Shut your cakehole, the camera’s are still on. Amen! Amen. Praise Donald.

And, in the days ahead, as we work to overturn the 2020 election, cut funding for the salavtion of Ukraine, and rain fire down on the Deep State we pray for an end to the persecution of our Lord and Savior, Donald John Trump and for America’s salvation on Election Day in the Year of Our Lord, 2024. In Donald’s name. Amen.

Amen! Amen. Praise Donald. How often is he going to make us do this? Amen. Amen! Amen. Amen! Amen! Amen, amen. Amen! Amen! Amen, amen. Amen! Help me up. Christ, that took forever. Yeah, yeah, praise Donald. Praise Donald. Praise Donald.