The Final Old Pueblo Holiday radio Show

And my farewell to public life.

“Smell the coffee. Be the coffee.”
     -Fellow retiree Janet Kent

“I’m not dead. Just retired.”
     -Fellow retiree Bobby Rich

Last Saturday, the day of the last performance of my Old Pueblo Radio Show and my last public performance was a beautiful winter day in the Old Pueblo. That morning I spotted seven snowbirds at our quail seed block along with three Chihuahuas in sweater vests, the aroma of Christmas Tamales was lingering in the air and I noted the frost was lingering longer on my Margaritas these days to my wife as we motored downtown to the Rialto green room, scripts and pastries from La Estrella bakery in hand, to join the musicians “loading in” and our cast, who were assembling at the theater at 10am, preparing, pacing and rehearsing for our noon show.

I had my prepared remarks to deliver during our audience warmup which was delayed because the crowd in attendance far exceeded our hopes. I stepped outside, out in front of the Rialto to see the line of people waiting for the doors to open at 11:00 stretched east on Congress as far as I could see. It was cold in the shade of the city sidewalk, busy sidewalk dressed in Old Pueblo holiday style and yet folks dressed in their gay apparel were happily chatting and happy to greet me as I walked the line and said hello and got mis abrazos from our many fans who reminded me of the sunny western warmth I was saying goodbye to.

I walked back into the Rialto, shouted into the theatre, “Doors are open!”and returned backstage to review those audience warmup notes as Mindy Ronstadt and the Cadillacs serenaded the ticket buyers as they poured into the theatre and filled every seat, up to the balcony.

So many came it took longer than we expected for the huge crowd to file in and take their seats. Mindy Ronstadt and the Cadillacs finished their wonderful warmup set, putting our boomer audience in the best holiday spirit possible. When I stepped out and up to the microphone 5-minutes before showtime I was greeted with applause warmer than a long slow sip of San Xavier del Mac whiskey, I smiled from my toes up and told myself I could get through this without my voice cracking.

“As you know, this will be my last public appearance.” This somber utterance drew gentle protests from the audience.

“And the last performance of the Old Pueblo Holiday Radio show.” At this point the Cadillacs and Sly began to play an over-the-top tea jerker melody best suited to soap opera melodrama that made me laugh.

And then the funny man turned serious. “I will miss seeing all of my friends, the Arroyo, Café players. Elliot Glicksman. Nick Seivert. Mike Sterner. Bridgitte Thum. Nancy Stanley. Dave Membrila. Marty Bishop. Every voice in the Grandsons of the Pioneers. Wonderful friends who have been with me since the very beginning, friends who, year after year, have said yes to putting on this show; friends I have come to love like family; friends who have helped us raise thousands of dollars for strangers in need. “ I was interrupted by warm applause. I continued, "I feel about each one of you, and each one of them the way Dorothy felt about the scarecrow when she said “ -and of course, my voice cracked into a thousand memories at this moment- "I think I’ll miss you most of all. “

And then I turned and looked off stage to the cast gathered for their entrance cue behind the curtains and said, "I won't miss your jokes. Some of which will haunt me forever. Did you hear about the cattle that were shot into space? It was the herd shot ‘round the world.”

If you missed our show and wouldn’t mind seeing our unedited raw video of our final show, here are links to both acts of our final Old Pueblo Holiday Radio Show. Enjoy.

The 2023 Old Pueblo Holiday Radio Show Act 1

The 2023 Old Pueblo Holiday Radio Show Act 2

The audience laughed and the Cadillacs hit their cue, the cast found their seats on stage, Marty appeared at my side and I said, for one last time, ”Thank you all for coming! Show starts in 5-seconds. 5-4-3-2-1. Cue the music. We are on the air!”

A number of jokes were at my expense. As in the beginning of the 2nd Act.

Nick: It’s great seeing you all.  By the way, Fitz, how was your year?

Fitz:  How much time do I have?

Nick:  I don’t know but with proper diet and exercise maybe a year or two. (rimshot)

Fitz:  I’ve had a great year. I retired!

Nick: What are you doing?

Fitz: Gummies. (rimshot)

I have to add here I have happily given up marijuana, caffeine and alcohol since my heart humbled me for the better. But I will never renounce the vice of bad jokes. Which leads me to a later segment when I welcomed my good friend the newly retired Bobby Rich to the stage and we joked about our simultaneous retirement from public life.

Bobby: Can you believe we’re retired? 

Fitz: I can’t believe we’re not working.

Bobby: That’s okay neither are these jokes.

We laughed at the challenge of aging and leisure after leading very active public lives.

Bobby: My days are so empty I spend them trying to decide which underwear to wear. Which do you wear?

Fitz: Depends. 

Bobby: And another thing. Seems like every morning I get up to pee it takes forever.

Fitz: You got it easy. Every morning at 5am I pee like a racehorse. 

Bobby: What’s the problem?

Fitz: I don't wake up until 7. (rimshot)

And the groaners kept coming when Bobby insisted on asking if I truly was retired.

Fitz:  Holy Medicare. I must be. I have a VCR, a DNR and I listen to NPR.

Bobby: Do you have lots of time on your hands?

Fitz:  On these hands? Just liver spots.

Bobby wanted to introduce me to the exciting game for seniors “that’s sweeping the nation!

Myself and Bobby Rich

Fitz: Tickleball?  

Bobby: Pickleball! No, it's a new word game just for seniors   It’s called “You know that thing?”  

Fitz: Gee how do you play?  

Bobby: It’s easy!  Say your wife Ellen comes into a room.

Fitz: "Your wife Ellen comes into a room".  Oh, this is easy!

Bobby: Shut up. And then you say to Ellen. “You know that thing ..”

 Fitz:  Oh! We play this one all the time! “You know that thing…” That’s more fun than “What was that thing called?”… And then it’s onto the championship round “Why did I come into this room?” With the daily double bonus question for the win: “Have you seen my car keys?”

Bobby: Yes! So, you’ve played that game?

Fitz: Holy Bursitis! I hate that game. My keys are where they always belong. In the refrigerator.

Our show surfed along on waves of groaners and laughter and sentiment and suddenly 90-minutes of silliness had passed and we were gliding to the finale of the show and it was time for Mindy Ronstadt to sing “Have yourself a Merry little Christmas” and when she sang her voice touched something magical in that theatre. Was she serenading me? Was she serenading all of us as we said goodbye to this shared experience?

On the stage Dave Membrila stood and held aloft his smart phone with the glowing image of a lit candle and began to wave it over his head to the tempo.

Here we are as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more

Through the years we all will be together
If the fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now

One by one, members of the audience held up images of lit candles on their smart phones. As they slowly waved them to the music the inside of the Rialto was illuminated with the most beautiful light, resembling an altar aglow with a thousand devotional candles inside a desert mission filling my old heart with overwhelming love, nostalgia, speechless humility and awe. I wiped more embarrassed tears from my eyes.

And then I ended our show: “Here at the Arroyo Cafe—where everyone is welcome—we here in the Old Pueblo know our story will never end. On this lovely Christmas Eve we wish each and every one of you health and a very Merry Christmas and the happiest of holidays.”

At least I thought I had ended our show.

I was ambushed. First I was ambushed with a tribute from Councilman Steve Kozachik and then a song from Nick Sievert as Bob Hope thanking me for the memories as a “This is your life” slide show slid past on the big screen behind us.

Here are the highlights of Councilman Kozachik’s proclamation:

“And whereas Fitz throughout his career has drawn more than 10,000 cartoons, provoking thought, motivating many readers to get involved in the public process, and motivating many others to use the paper to line the floor of their birdcage;

And whereas Fitz is a Pulitzer Prize finalist, not to be confused with the Pulitzer Prize winner;

And whereas Fitz’ cartoons have been syndicated internationally, and they have been featured in the Washington Post, the New York Times, and are among the debris often cleaned up from Tucson homeless encampments;

And whereas during his career Fitz, has been instrumental in raising over $1 million for local charities acting as an emcee, an after-dinner speaker, an auctioneer, as the producer of the Arroyo Café radio show, and strategically talking until people donated simply to get the event over with;

And whereas his loving wife Ellen, children Sarah, David, and Matt, and each of his beloved grandchildren will now find him incessantly underfoot;

And finally, whereas in all sincerity, everybody gathered here today is eternally grateful to fits for his contributions to the community, the joy he has brought to our lives, and we wish him and his family, a healthy and blessed, retirement, well-deserved, and richly earned;

Now therefore I, Steve Kozachik, Council human for Ward 6 of the City of Tucson do hereby proclaim today, December 9, 2023, to be David Fitzsimmons Day in Tucson, Arizona.”

I told my wife I felt like I witnessed my own memorial service.

With the weight of this significant milestone day heavy on my full heart I had just one question to ask my wife Ellen in the car on our way home. “Did you hear that thing? You know. The one about the cattle that were shot into space?”