Stats that 67% of you will never use

At least .0198% of the time

Principled resignations by attorneys from the Trump Justice Department protesting unethical, immoral and illegal demands this month: 8

Percentage of Republican congressman who have no clue what a “principle” is: 100%

Number of times my wife and I have talked about moving to Canada since the election: 23,899,945

Number of states Attorneys General, including Arizona’s AG Kris Mayes, who brought a lawsuit to Federal Court alleging that Trump violated the Constitution by granting Elon Musk what they called unchecked power: 14

Court rulings that have blocked action taken by President Trump: 26

Number of FOX reporters who will stand in solidarity with journalists everywhere who believe in a free press by joining the press boycott of the White House since Trump announced his ban of AP reporters until the Associated Press refers to “Gulf of Mexico” as “Gulf of America”: 0

Number of FOX reporters who have chips in their segmented necks and the word MATTEL stamped on their plastic butt cheek: 100%

Number of times my wife has said,”Do you really think your silly exaggerations are helpful?”: 2

Number of times I have said to my wife,” I don’t remember asking you to edit this post.”: 1

Arizonans who die of opioid overdoses that often are fentanyl related: 2000 plus

Amount of fentanyl smuggled across border by U.S. citizens: 80%

Number of times Trump has referred to these U.S. citizens as “vermin”: 0

Number of migrants Trump proposes to be held in Guantanamo: 30,000

Percentage of Trump supporters who are horrified by his cruel and heinous actions: Not enough

Number of times my wife has said, “Not enough is awfully vague. Don’t you have a specific number?”: 2

Number of times I said, “Stop reading my laptop. Mind your own beeswax. Go back to watching Antiques Roadshow.”: 1

Percentage of people featured on Antiques Roadshow who are sexually active: .00173%

Percentage of Death Row inmates asking to speed up their execution dates because they can no longer bear the sound of Trump’s voice: 110%

Number of times my wife and I have talked about moving to Mexico since the election: trece millones ochocientos noventa y tres mil trescientos treinta y cinco

Number of Trump supporters who responded to Trump siding with Communist Russia and betraying free Ukraine, NATO and Western Europe by saying “When do we take Greenland?”: 93%

“Where is the Gulf of America?”: 78%

“I got a black-market lead on eggs.”: 56%

Russian puppeteers who advised Putin to not move his lips when making Trump “speak”: 43%

Russian puppeteers who advised Putin to work on using his pinky and thumb to better animate Trump’s hands: 43%

Russian puppeteers who were never seen again: 43%

Total cost of MAGA’s proposed tax giveaways for the super rich: $300 bazillion buckaroos

Times my wife pointed out “buckaroo” is not a recognized form of currency: 1

Total cost of MAGA’s proposed cuts to federal programs that fund health research, scientific development and more: $500 bazillion buckaroos

Country where “buckaroos” are the currency: West Buckaroolia

Times she asked me to cite my source: 1

Times I have said, “I don’t have time for quibbling. I’m on deadline.”: 37,478,921

Number of times my wife and I have talked about moving to West Buckaroolia since the election: 0

Percentage of Americans who voted for Harris: 30.84%

Percentage of Americans who voted for Trump: Too many

Who didn’t vote at all: 36.33%

Number of air crashes since the White House congratulated itself for “restoring aviation safety”: 7

New York commuters willing to trade Mayor Eric Adams to Trump if he “just brings back the popular Traffic Congestion Tax ”: 79%.

Proud boys recently pardoned who think the President can order Seal Team six to kill Mayor Eric Adams if he doesn’t comply: 110%

Americans who think if Mayor Adams crosses Donald Trump he should avoid balconies: 75%

Estimated cost of mass deportation: $315 billion

Average net worth of a U.S. Senator: $2,300,000 (including hair gel and dental work)

Average American’s Social Security benefit per month: $1700

Amount of wealth moved by Republicans from the bottom 90% of Americans (you) to the top 1% of Americans (them) from the time Reagan took office to now: $50,000,000,000

Number of Americans who don’t know that “$50,000,000,000” is “fifty-trillion dollars”: 397,675,999

Portion of the federal budget the U.S. spends on foreign aid: 1%

Portion of the federal budget Americans think the U.S. spends on foreign aid: 25%

How much do Americans think: Not much

Number of times I shared a cat video with my cat: 1

Number of people in West Texas who have contracted Measles: 49

Percentage of RFK, Jr. supporters I hope will contract Bird flu, Covid, Polio, the Black Death and Measles: 100%

Number of times my wife said to me, “You don’t really mean that!”: 3

Number of times I mumbled a barely audible apology to her to get her off my back: 18,923

Times I have said, “I don’t have time for quibbling. I’m on deadline.”: 37,478,922

Number of times I shared a post with her suggesting Pete Buttigieg run for Senate in Michigan: 3

Next day: 2

Number of times she has said to me, “I think you have memory issues.”: 5

Times I have said, “I don’t have time for quibbling. I’m on deadline.”: 37,478,923

Americans who think when Trump claims “Ukraine started the war” he’s lying: 100%

When Trump claims “Ukraine is a corrupt dictatorship” he’s lying: 100%

When Trump opens his mouth he’s lying: 100%

Who care if Trump is lying: 49.99%:

Number of times I shared an owl video with my cat: 2