Representative Lauren Boebert
And the theater incident
I am happy to help Colorado representative Lauren Boebert respond to the surveillance video confirming she was vaping and groping her date’s crotch in a public theater. Here are fifteen suggested answers she may use free of charge:
“I wasn’t vaping, that was my hot steamy love breath.”
“I don’t know who that is. It’s a deep fake! -made by that bitch Marjorie Taylor Greene. I was at home oiling my AR-15 the whole time.”
“What?! I said ‘Beetlejuice’ three times. Next thing I know I’m on the street!”
“If Trump pleasures himself watching this I’m happy. Hi, Donnie! Call me if you want a Vice President who can add a little vice to your big fat winning ticket!”
“My date, who told me his name was ‘McFeeley McLovin’, said he’d never touched a girl before so, duh, I felt sorry for him. It’s my whole life story.”
“Rubbing a feller’s peter in public is a ‘traditional family value’ in the pristine hills of Colorado where I’m from. You should see what we do in the gym.”
“I was high, okay? In the dark I thought he was Donald Trump. And I’d do anything to be his running mate.”
“Wow. My boobs look awesome, don’t they? Get a load of these ‘running mates’, Donnie. Can you match these cans, Kari?”
“I never said if I end up having to get an abortion my date said he’s paying the airfare to New Mexico.”
“I am proudly Pro-Life which means I’m a total pro when it comes to being the life of any Party. Vape and pick a hooter, scooter.”
“I refuse to be slut-shamed. I’m not a ‘cheap whore’. Ask the NRA. I’m high-end.”
“I’m pro-choice. Vape or gummies? It’s your body.”
“I moved on him like a bitch. When you’re a rising star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab ’em by the penis. You can do anything.”
“If anyone finds a vape pen packed with ‘Red Diesel Destruction’, a pair of crotchless panties, a MAGA scarf or any AR-15 casings on the floor of the theater they’re mine.”
“Tell my boyfriend Kevin McParty if he still wants to be Speaker we can work something out. I have two tickets to Les Miserables at the Boulder Playhouse tonight.”
Just read her “apology” and excuse about going through a difficult public divorce. Forgive me for not caring one ounce. How difficult does she think she’s making it for the LGBQT community with her “Christian” Nationalist views? Her hypocrisy is mind blowing.
Boobert's date was also filmed copping a feel. Boobert kept taking flash selfies, and dancing in her seat. When security approached her, she sez.. "Do You Know Who I am?" (Yes, Honey; you can bet they had your number!) While Security escorted Boobert and her dick...er, date... out of the theater she repeatedly flipped them off. Class, no? No!