On the day Trump descended the fiery escalator

Greeted by General Pinochet and President Fidel Castro.

On the day Trump descended he was greeted by General Pinochet and President Fidel Castro. “Two of my favorite dictators! Where am I? Are there sharks in that lava river?”

Pinochet spoke.“Welcome to our club: The Fraternal Order of Dictators of the Western Hemisphere.”

Fidel made the introductions. “Allow me to introduce you to Venezuela’s President Nicolas Maduro, Dictator for life. Argentina’s President Juan Peron, Dictator for life. Nicaragua’s President Daniel Ortega, Dictator for life…”

“General Nortega, Dictator of Panama, at your service.”

Pinochet stood on a molten boulder. “Everyone. Please welcome our newest member, Donald Trump, President, and Dictator for Life, of the United States of America. Elected back in 2025.”

Donald beamed with pride. “That was a phenomenal time. The rest of my life was a beautiful thing. Ruled till I died.”

“Danny Ortega Nicaragua has a red bandanna he wants you to autograph.”

Ortega shook his hand. “We were hoping you’d give give us one of your speeches.”

“You sure you got the time?”

“We have eternity. Hitler was a guest speaker once. His speech took entire years. Talked about himself for 12-years non-stop! Finally Pinochet lost his patience and stomped his boots—right through the crust And plummeted through the resulting fire hole straight down to the lava lake at the center of Earth like a fascist Italian Wiley coyote cartoon, captured by gravity, landing “Splat!”-somewhere wa-a-ay down there producing a tiny puff of red bubbling lava.

Fidel Castro put his talons on Trump’s shoulder and said “Compadre. Tell us how did you did it with hardly any gunshots?”

Trump was insulted. “No gunshots! I was severely wounded.” Trump spoke about the injury to his ear for an hour and a half. Finally, Castro interrupted him and repeated his question. “How did you manage to take over America without hardly any bloodshed?”

“Easy. First get a TV show on a major network that a lot of people can see. Play a boss. A decisive, looking boss. American sheep love TV.

Happens more often than you think. The president of Ukraine began as a comedian starring in a show as the president of Ukraine satirizing the president of Ukraine.

Next thing you know the idiots think you can run a country. Tell them you love Jesus and they’ll give you your daughters and you know what you can do if you’re celebrity, right? They sell Tic-Tacs down here?

Little less than Half the people bought my bullshit and that was enough. I had great ratings. The greatest ever! Every last MAGA Republican kissed my ass. Why? Because I had ratings. And goons and basement dwellers and trolls and other dictators helping me. Where’s Putin and Orban?”

“Still alive. Putin’s head is kept in a jar and Orban drinks the blood of Romanian tourists. Tell us more. How did you do it?”

“Then my people- I had the best people- infiltrated the election system. Next thing I know my dream came true. My act was renewed for another season. For life. I was President for 18-seasons.”

Noriega grinned. ”I remember all those times you called us banana republics and shit hole countries. It’s an honor to meet the strong man who finally turned the great United States of America into the greatest shit hole and best banana republic in the world!”

Donald smiled. He looked around at his admirers. “The voters helped. Sure Putin helped. He bought all those MAGA influencers happy to sell out my country. But I couldn’t haven’t done it without the American people. America. We’re the land of easy marks.”

Maduro asked him if he had any questions. “So this is Hell. Where’s Roy Cohn?”