Nineteen reasons to move the Inauguration inside
From the mouth of The Donald
Our President-elect agreed to move the inaugural ceremony inside the capitol because “it will be so very, very cold outside, the coldest ever, that’s what they’re saying and there will be many, many, many pluses to having it inside. Here they are:”
It’ll make it easier to corner Melania.
I’ll be safe from any follow up lightning strikes after farting during that boring religious stuff at St. John’s Church.
It’ll be a fabulous space for “crop dusting” dignitaries from Mexico and Greenland.
No need to order custom made extra tiny mittens.
Close quarters are better for sharing my phenomenal pheromones with the beautiful tens that will be there.
It’ll be so warm, it’ll be the warmest inauguration ever, the smoking hot tens can wear their low cut minis.
Elon can wear his bare midriff T.
I can have the thermostat set at 76 degrees or as I call it “Mar-a-Lago Heatwave” so R.F.K. Jr. can wear his Speedo. He asked!
Don Jr. can go out in that windy 6-degree weather to find homeless losers to pack the back of the room.
No Park Service haters will be able to spread their fake news about the crowd size out on the Mall. I’ve ordered my good friends at Fox News to stop describing the cold as “bitter” cold.
I had security concerns over snowball fights started by Antifa.
Ditto for Abominable Snowmen from Mexico. They’re very real. That’s what Kristi Noem tells me. She’ll be great at Homeland Security.
And I won’t have to worry about any aerial assaults from any of Canada’s specially trained killer geese flying overhead.
Pete Hegseth will look cool rappelling down from inside the Capitol dome. Cooler than Tom Cruise.
Marjorie Taylor Greene can swing in on the chandeliers. She tells me Israel refused to use their Jewish Space lasers to melt the snow. I’m calling Netanyahu to cancel the peace deal. She never lies to me.
Who knows what Greenland’s sneaky special forces could do outside in the snow!
Besides, Frosty the Snowman turned down my invitation anyway. That fat SOB is on my enemies list now.
When I see MGT I’ll order her to launch an investigation into how the Democrats control the weather. They’re behind it you know. That’s what she tells me.
And the best part about do it inside? It will make it harder for the Dems to attack the Inauguration like they attacked our beloved capitol on January Sixth.
Speaking of weather, and he usually does --- he's presently being punished for NOT attending another service in another cemetery in France -- due to rain. It's pouring down rain at Arlington. God knows we need the rain. :)
OPERATION 'TANK THE INAUGURATION'
To tank the inauguration TV ratings (something the orange guy values a lot) we were advised to keep the TV on but have it on HGTV, the Food Channel, or National Geographic - any channel that IS NOT broadcasting the inauguration.
Nielson counts the number of TVs on and what station (program) we are watching. The goal is to have as many TVs on as possible, but not tuned into the inauguration - which, in turn, will suppress the inauguration ratings. Keep all your TVs on and tuned to other channels.