Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski meet with Trump

And you are there

Mika, I’m concerned that we could face harassment from Trump in the next four years. That’s why we’re here. How many times do I have to tell you-

Trump wouldn’t dare go after us! We’re “Scarborough and Brzezinski”! Look at our ratings! We’re golden, Joe, we’re golden.

Mika, I have looked at our ratings.

What?

We’re not golden, Mika. Not anymore.

Don’t tell me we tanked after the election, Joe.

We tanked after the election.

I told you not to tell me that, Joe! What th-

Listen to me, Mika! Trump has threatened retribution against all his political enemie, and I don’t want to be on his list of-

Alright, alright, Joe. Alright! Ring the doorbell.

Welcome to Mar-a-Lago. President Trump has been expecting you. This way.

Donald! —or should I say president-elect Trump? How are you?

Well if it isn’t “Dumb as a rock” Mika!  And Joe! “Morning Psycho”! What do you two morons want?

Uh…

Psycho Joe. Secretary of State? That’s been taken, Joe.

Um…

Mika, I already picked my White House Press Secretary and let’s face it, Brzezinski, your kisser is way too old to be on camera. What do you two losers want?

There’s that famous sense of humor we all love. We really missed you, big guy.

Joe and his Ho. I missed you, too.

What a kidder. Mika and I thought we’d open a line of communication. You know, get a fresh start.

What’s on your mind?

If I may be so bold as to ask a question, I hesitate to ask, an inquiry vis a vis the global context of the recent national developments and considering the world response we have a-

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Jesus. Get a load of this windbag! This is why you can never get a word in edgewise with this guy, Mika. He never shuts his pie hole. When do you breathe, Psycho Joe? You’ve been yapping since you rang the doorbell.

Uh-

Mika, cut to the chase for our Psycho Joe will you?

I’ll try my best, Donald.

That’s “Mr. President” to you. Let me get a good look at you. Yeah, you’re not my type. Not a ten. Definitely not a ten. Tic Tac?

No, thanks…Mr. President.

Well, enough formalities. Let’s get to the business at hand. Kiss it.

What?

The ring on my hand. Kiss it. Don’t slobber. Just a peck. Both of you. Or I’ll have my Attorney General audit your taxes.

What?

Or I could always order the FCC to review NBC’s license. Now, kiss it. On your knees.

What?

Get on your knees.

Oof. Okay we’re on our knees.

Now kiss it.

Smack. Ptui.

Smack. Uck. Ptui. Your ring tastes awful.

It’s my bronzer. It gets everywhere.

That it? Can we get up now?

No. You tell Nicole Wallace, Ari, Lawrence, Maddow and your whole crew of haters over there to watch their mouths. I’ll be watching.

Did you hear that, Joe? We just added a viewer! It’s the start of a ratings bump.

Mika, Donald is right. You are dumb as a--

And once I free the January 6th political prisoners, I’ll have an army of patriots willing to do anything for me. Anything. And I’ll have complete and total immunity. A lot of people who screwed with me are going to find themselves in jail.

A-a-are you threatening us?

I’m just saying I’m so glad you both decided to reopen a channel of communication between us. And I’m communicating. Anything else on your minds? Mika?

Uh. Nope. You, Joe?

Um...

Joe?

Um…Is it possible you might ever be willing to call into our morning show, Mr. President? For some friendly questions? A little chit chat with your friends Mika and Joe? Your good friends Mika and Joe?

Me? Call into “Morning Joke”? Get outta here. Why would I? I have “Fox and Friends” and they have the greatest audience share. Now get out of here. I have meetings to get to. I’m interviewing Pat Sajak and Judge Judy for top level spots. I want Bob Barker to be my Treasury guy.

Joe! Should we tell him Barker’s dead?

Shush, Mika. Hey, uh, Mr. President? Can we get up off our knees?

No. I like the way your knees polish my floors.

How about a selfie?

Go.

We’re going. Joe, my knees are killing me.

Well, Mika, that went as well as could be expected, considering all the possible directions our meeting, which I’d characterize as frank and constructive, could have gone, considering the present situation, fraught with peril for our democracy, where we find ourselves in situation where-

Joe. Shut your pie hole.

Yes, Mika.