Friday Fitz Fix

Headlines and one-liners that cross the line

Cartoonists Reunite!

Ed Stein, former editorial cartoonist for the “Rocky Mountain News” and his lovely wife Lisa stopped by. As well as being a great progressive cartooning voice Ed created “Denver Square” a charming and endearing strip about life in Denver. We roasted marshmallows and talked about the glory days of our profession like a pair of silent film actors reminiscing about the days before the talkies.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day.

For those missing our annual St. Paddy’s Day parade here in the Old Pueblo I have recreated the excitement here. It’s up to you to imagine the enticing aroma of corned beef, cabbage, kettle corn and the thousands of Tucsonans who having celebrated the occasion by bathing in “Irish Spring”, drinking “Guinness” and watching “Fiddler on the thatched roof”, the musical detailing how Tevye O’brien came to leave Ireland and start a new life in our brave new world peddling tater tots in Toltec:

St.Patrick's Day Parade

I have also included a link to my video of our 2015 trip to Ireland for a quick hit taste of the ilse:

Ireland in 3-Mins

We visited Dublin, the west of Ireland, and Galway. We took back roads the entire way and stayed in lesser known villages. In Tucson’s sister city of Roscommon, I saw a DeGrazia portrait of San Xavier hanging in the Council chambers.

I planned our tour traveling to the sites of great Irish defeats at the hands of the Vikings, the Spanish and the British, following the retreat of the Irish people to the cliffs of the Atlantic and starvation. Here’s to the buskers of Dublin, the beautiful Book of Kells and Maureen O’Hara. If she really were Irish she would have socked John Wayne into the next county.

I had the pleasure of zooming with the LD17 Democrats. An active thriving group. Click here tobe in the zoom room where it happens.

LD 17 zoom Meeting with guest Fitz

What brochure promoted Arizona as a haven for lunatics?

When Arizona’s founders and assorted turkey vultures were divvying up the state, they decided Tucson should be the site of the brand-new state university. And, just to be fair, they decided Phoenix would get the state mental institution and the state legislature, two institutions that to the day the asylum closed remained indistinguishable.

The criminally insane are now elected by rural gerrymandered districts where Fox is on TV 24/7, Jesus is on the AM radio and you need to take your country back from drag queens, Marxist child predators, and the trans gender lobby

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Chief among the loons is Flagstaff’s State Senator Wendy “the Anti-Semitic Pine Cone” Rogers. She chairs the Election Lie Conspiracy Spreading Committee peopled with giants like Jake “The Queen Creek Lie Machine” Hoffman, a patriot who longs to ban diversity training and our very own Justine Wadsack,  the book banning banshee.

How can the national culture that produced “The Simpsons” and “South Park” produce a Wadsack, a Rogers and a Hoffman, creatures so lacking in self-awareness, so free of irony?

Wasn’t Justine Wadsack every villainous character in every South Park episode leading the mob to ban the high school play?

And now she is going to protect us “from over-sexualized images and topics we need to be protected from seeing”.

Who watched the movie “Porky’s” and thought “I really identify with Coach Beulah Balbricker…” Who saw “Ferris Bueller's Day Off” and sided with Principal Ed Rooney? These outcasts,

I rest my case.

Tom Horne

Tom Horne, the Secretary of Education and Republican Indoctrination, started a hotline for parents to rat out any Marxist left-wing teachers trying to sneak their “woke” agenda into any of their lesson plans. We won’t let the leftist mob prey upon our children.

“Hi, is this the hotline? My boy is white and he’s feeling very bad about slavery.”

“Hi, this is Tom Horne. What’s all this nonsense about slavery, social emotional learning and wokeness? We know every teacher in Arizona is a happy slave.”

Ron DeSantis

Ron DeSantis says it’s not in America’s interest to back Ukraine. What? I am waiting for DeSantis to fly to Moscow to pose with a Russian anti-aircraft gun under the headline Florida’s Hanoi Jane on wrong side of history.

DeSantis announced Disney World’s new creative director, former “Dilbert” comic strip artist, Scott Adams, would modify Disney World to please its base. “It’s a small world after all, it’s a small, white world.” Please exit to your far right.

Our beautiful Spring

Wildflower botanists are predicting a riot of color on Arizona hillsides this spring. The Arizona Department of Floral Safety is recommending riot gear for all hikers hiking where poppies are known to congregate.

Ukraine running ‘round my brain

The notorious Wagner Group mercenaries in Ukraine may be running out of cannon fodder from Russia’s prisons. We’ll know the war is over when the Wagner Group starts conscripting Fox news anchors to fight in the Russian army.

A wad of sacks

What are the odds “Justine’s Banned Book List” becomes bigger than Oprah’s Book Club, with a drumroll preceding the drawing of the name of “The Most Prurient Book of the Week” from her official “Wadsack”.

Wadsack recently claimed the State Bar prevented attorneys from taking cases challenging Covid regulations. When asked to prove her claim Her Royal Majesty  looked down at her subjects and sneered,

“I don’t owe you anything in the way of proof.” And then fired up her Dodge Ram broomstick. “It’s hybrid.”

I apologize to all offended witches and Wiccan practitioners. My wife is descended from 5 women who were wrongly accused. One was hung. I don’t know if Ellen’s witch ancestry is relevant, but I often find myself “coming to” after I’ve unloaded the dishwasher.

Keep trying

An Arizona House Republican thinks child support should begin at the date of conception because that fetus is a person with rights, such as the right to not be killed, and aha! Gotcha with my slick personhood trick! No? Okay. We’ll keep trying.

Arizona Republicans have yet to expand health care, family and medical leave, increased the minimum wage, propose  housing solutions, and fully fund public education. But they’ve got drag queens on the run, librarians buckling up and trans kids scared to pee.