Fitzer's Index

Facts you don't need to know

The value of a data center approved by the Supes to be built in Pima County: $3.6 billion

Tax revenue to be generated: $250 million

jobs promised: 180

Wages: $60,000 plus

Chances it will be used by Lex Luthor to store surveillance data on your mother: 1 in 5

Years since “Jaws” was the first summer blockbuster: 50

Number of times I’ve said “But it’s a dry heat!” this summer: 0

The number of huge flashing signs with red blinking lights and neon turn arrows with black lines through them the lug nut in front of me missed, backing up traffic in a no left-turn intersection: 5

Horns honked: I lost count

When TPD is not currently investigating a shooting with injuries: Never

With the investigation ongoing: Always

Number of condors in the world when they were declared an endangered species:22

Number of condor chicks hatched at LA Zoo this month: 10

The date on which early voting for Tucson's Congressional District 7 primary ends: July 7th

New restaurants that opened this Spring in Tucson: 16

Minimum percentage increase in extreme heat danger days projected for Tucson by mid-century: 135%

Days per year: 66-days

Number of days by 2050 above 106°F: 43-days

Assessed value of Arizona Inn:$5.6 million

Opened: 1930

Asking price: Confidential

Times I was ejected from the Piano bar: 0

Number of times Netanyahu praised Trump for surprising everyone by bombing Iran rather than Iraq: 1

Number of Tomahawk Cruise missiles fired at Iran from Navy Submarines: 30

Number of people Donald Trump claimed Vladimir Putin lost in WWII: 51 million

Number of years after World War II Vladimir Putin was born: seven

Weight of the GBU-57 bunker buster carried by B-2 stealth bombers: 15 tons

Number of Texas’s that could fit inside the country of Iran: 2.4

People there: 88 million

According to UNICEF, the number of children in Gaza killed since October 7, 2023: 50,000 plus

Sites in Gaza considered safe zones for children: 0

Number of Beach Resorts built in Gaza by Trump so far: 0

Number of dolls the President promised American children for Christmas: 2

Number of testicles the average Republican Congressman lacks: 2

Number of hours Trump bragged it would take him to end the Russia Ukraine War: 24

Days Trump has served in Office: 152

Days Trump has played Golf: 37

Number of times Trump claimed American workers don’t want more Federal holidays: 1

Number of American workers who’ve told Trump they don’t want more Federal holidays: 0

Number of trade deals Trump promised we’d have in 90 days: 90

Number of trade deals on day 78: 0

The Arizona Senate’s budget plan: $17.6 billion

Cost of the Universal School ESA Voucher Program: $700 million plus

Chances Arizona Republicans in the State House and Senate can agree on a budget: 0

Number of times I’ve used the old “I’m not lazy! I’m practicing summer dormancy- also known as aestivation- a survival strategy wherein desert critters reduce their metabolic rate and activity to conserve energy and water when resources are scarce. Could you rock my hammock a bit and fetch me another brew, my love?”: 1

Number of times it worked: 0

Number of times I have ever used the word aestivation in a sentence: 1

Siesta: 3,245,456

Percentage of Tucsonans who support my Mandatory Siesta Ordinance: 0