Fitz Quick Hits

Unfair to peeps my age and just plain wrong

Being close to seventy has given me perspective on all the hoo-hah about our aged politicos. At 68 I am not the punk I once was. I have friends in their late eighties who are sharp as tacks and others who should be hung on the wall with a tack for their own safety. With that in mind I’m asking myself what 20-characteristics do Mitch McConnell, Dianne Feinstein, Donald Trump, Nancy Pelosi and Joe Biden share in common?

1. Constantly interrupting big dollar donors to ask for directions to the nearest restroom

2. The indignity of often being compared to the cast of “Cocoon”

3. The same bedpan emblazoned with the Great Seal of the United States of America

4. A mastery of the Charleston

5. Memories of Lincoln

6. The belief “hip hop” is an award-winning children’s book about a bunny

7. Fond recollections of singing along with Hamilton. And Lafayette. In New York’s finest taverns.

8. The inability to recall meeting President McKinley with clarity

9. Calling reporters “rapscallions”, “whippersnappers” and “curs”

10. The conviction you are never too old to be doing whatever it was you keep forgetting you were called by Providence to do

11. Drawing a blank when asked questions like, ”Why did you call of us together just now?”

12. The haunting fragrance of Ben Gay with a hint of Pomade

13. The same brand of catheter lube

14. A love for sharing stories about their prostates behind the Washington Monument. Diane Feinstein is said to often complain “My prostate is the size of Adam Schiff’s head.” When Bernie Sanders pointed out she lacks a prostate she replied, “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Barney. I have a state and the people there love me.”

15. Walkers with official flags and red squeeze-ball bike horns on the handles, and tennis balls on the feet

16. Free access to the finest health care in the world that too many Americans still cannot afford

17. Enjoying a level of deference that few seniors in the real world enjoy

18. The belief Yoda is way too young to be a Jedi Master

19. Free prescription refills

20. The secret belief that when JFK asserted “the torch” should be “passed to a new generation of Americans,” he was a “scamp” who didn’t know “squat about what he was talking about”