Donald Trump‘s post celebrating Christopher Columbus Day is what one would expect Norman Lear’s Archie Bunker to text if he were asked by his son-in-law Mike to list one thing, ”you know about Christopher Columbus that’s true, Archie!”
“Well, ‘dere, ‘at’s easy enough, meathead.” Smooth as Trump he’d lean into Mike from across his easy chair. “Christopher Columbus was a knight! The original one of them Knights of Columbus fellas.”
And that is exactly how my weasel-like mind functioned as well when I was cornered in the 7th grade by Mrs. Buxom. For the love of God and clean erasers don’t ask me to learn anything ever. A lifetime later I am perplexed. How could I know so much more about that Italian spice and slave trade explorer than the President of the United States?
Trump takes civic mythology to another level. Down. And back. Totally retro. Repeating mythology well baked in ignorant racism and sautéed in dim banal hatred of anyone or anything different, he’s frozen in a 1960 Pleasantville world that never was. Growing up in limos with a racist for a dad must rot the brain.
Donald, at least honor Columbus for being a transactional super star. What can be more transactional than trading in slaves?
I would’ve thought that Trump would at least honor CC as a plague carrier. You have to admire Chris when it comes to spreading disease. Donnie, you’ll never match the epidemics unleashed by Columbus, even with the impressive number of Covid deaths recorded on your inept and bizarre watch.
Trump ought to be nicer to indigenous peoples. They could teach him how to properly run a casino, so it might make money and stay in business.
I wager Trump couldn’t name the three ships. In public school, we all learned the names of the ships The Niña, Pinta, and Santa Maria.
Let’s ask him.
Mr. Trump what were the names of the ships sailing under Christopher Columbus command?
They were many, many, many ships. Some people say as many as three. I have a very interesting story about names. We want our navy ships to have manly, manly names. Hegseth is working on it.
Would their names happen to be the Niña, Pinta, and the Jeffrey Epstein ?
You’re a terrible reporter. You work for a terrible network. You’re the reason we can’t have a nice holiday honoring a great American like Christopher Columbus.
Do you know if it wasn’t for Christopher Columbus negotiating that phenomenal treaty with the Braves we would’ve never gotten that great baseball team into the American league. Not many people know that.
And just like Christopher Columbus negotiated that phenomenal treaty with the Braves our fantastic President brought peace to the middle east for the first time since Adam and Eve rode on dinosaurs because he negotiated that phenomenal treaty between the Gazan people and Bibi Netanyahu and the Jews and the Palestinians and both of the Corinthians.
I admit it. It was through Trump’s efforts entirely that peace came to the Middle East.
The same way he personally experimented for months developing the perfect Trump steak in 5th Ave private kitchen. “I picked the cows. Bred the cows. Butchered them myself. I slaughtered them. I enjoy slaughtering. Just like BiBi.”
It was through his endless phone calls, strategy meetings and trips back and forth that he brought peace to the Middle East. When he wasn’t golfing. Or suing his enemies in Court. Or overseeing White House additions.
He choreographed every detail of this fantastic plan in and out of office over the past decade. Since childhood he’s been obsessed with three things: gold fillagree, x-ray specs and peace in the middle east.
Trump applied his trademark level of obsession with detail to another obsession dear to him: higher education. Trump devoted years and years of his waking life to personally researching and developing the perfect core curriculum for Trump University. He’s renowned around the globe for his around the clock scholarship. And look what happened there!
When he isn’t tweeting insane bullshit or stuffing Big Macs down his esophagus or peddling hats to White House tours in an apron sporting a change maker. He’s the master mind. The stable mastermind.
If only he’d spent a moment or two researching Christopher Colombus.
Oh, please. We are trying to celebrate the first European to discover our continent. Unfortunately, we, they, celebrate the wrong man. My ancestor, Lief Erikson found it 500 years earlier.
Surprised that djt didn't revert holiday back to Columbus day. Indigenous Peoples Day is SO Woke.