Bill Maher's wonderful dinner with Donald Trump

Two beautiful human beings

Bill!

Mr.President.

Sit down, Bill. Glad you could make it. Something to drink?

No, sir.

I got nobody here to talk show biz with. Nobody like you Bill. Not on our level.

Sir?

You wear a lot of powder, Bill. You should try bronzer. Use what I use.

Mr.President?

Never mind. I wish I had a show like yours. Once a week. Lot of writers. Simple set. Great name, too. Phenomenal. “Real Time with Bill Maher”.

Well, sir-

My show would be “Unreal Time with President Trump”.

Sir, that’s-

Let me tell you being me is a lot of work. I have to be “on” around the clock. I got no writers. This is all me, 24/7. I don’t need writers.

No one can write the weave, sir.

Can you believe it, Bill? I am cranking out outrageous material like you can’t believe. Bing bing bing pow! Bing bing bing pow!

Mr.President.

Ever get gigs from Hell, Bill? Call me Donnie.

Oh, yeah, I have had my share of gigs from Hell. Donnie.

Me, too. Believe you me, Bill. We are so much smarter than our fans. Am I right?

Well, I think-

There’s a reason we come off as smug arrogant assholes, Bill. We can’t hide what we think of the human race. And our scripts. I’ll bet you had your share of scripts written by morons. Morons!

Well, sir-

What do you think of Iran?

You ran? We all ran, Mr. President.

Seriously.

Seriously. You should have kept the Obama deal, Mr. President.

You’re brilliant, Bill. Would you like to be my next national security advisor?

I’ll have to decline, sir. Would you autograph this for me, Mr. President? It’s a list of insults you used to describe me.

Sure. Hand it over. Done.

Thank you.

Bill, let me ask you…do you ever get sick of your arrogant persona? You have perfected the smug know-it-all character. He’s a real prick. Phenomenal. Tell me. Can you separate work from play? Can you leave it behind, leave it at the office?

You’re onto something about the schizophrenic life that show business demands. It’s not easy, sir. But I make an effort to find the time to enjoy a normal life, to pluck the wings off butterflies.

I should give you the Medal of Freedom.

Why, thank you, Mr.President. Can I ask you a question, sir?

Anything. We’re talking like old friends here.

Ever get sick of your asshole persona, Mr.President? You’ve got the insane despot down beautifully.

What asshole persona? Who’s insane?

Well, I thought-

Are you saying you think I am an asshole?

Um..

That’s my time, Bill.

I was hoping to talk to you about backing off HBO with the defamation lawsuits. I hear you’re suing CBS and cracking down on-

Time to tee off.

Well, that was a swell time. I’ll have my people call your people, Mr.President. Let’s do lunch. Mr.President? Mr.President?

Show Mr. Maher out.