Attorney General Kris Mayes signs on with Marvel Studios as the "Amazing General Mayes"

MCU adds another super hero to their lineup

Between filling lawsuits Arizona’s amazing Attorney General Kris Mayes flew to Los Angeles to announce she has signed a multi-year contract with MCU, the Marvel Cinematic Universe for a series of films based on her exploits. Her character, the Amazing General Mayes will be unveiled at the next Comic-con in San Diego.

According to Marvel Studios, “Her super hero character has eight arms-”

“-Whoa. Like Dr. Octavius!”

“Uh, huh. Her arms are designed for multi-tasking. It’s easy to imagine one arm filing suit against predatory corporate landlords that target vulnerable populations while another arm challenges the State Department of Education to clean up the Vouchers scam, while behind her, with another arm, she socks a nursing home profiteer trying to get away with elder abuse and neglect. With two more hands resting on her hips as she looks into the camera, she says ‘Not in my state’ and then flies off to another Press Conference.”

“Kirsten Dunst or Brie Larson are said to be in the running for the part.”

“No comment.”

“What storylines will feature the Amazing General Mayes?”

“An anonymous studio rep told me they have a variety of scripts in the hopper including one in which Mayes takes on Giant Saudi Ground Water Sucking Leeches at the same time she goes after Captain Toxic also known as Professor PFA. Another storyline has the Amazing General Mayes taking on fraudsters disguising themselves as eco-friendly while secretly violating emissions standards.”

“What are her super powers?”

“An insider told me that aside from having eight arms for simultaneous multi-tasking she also has an extraordinary super power for delegating and an even more awesome power: she loves doing her homework using her laser focus. Also, she’s amazing at flipping suspects.”

“Any super villains?”

“The Arizona House of Representatives ad hoc committee of Republican Weirdos.”

“Who?”

“We were going to call them the Injustice League. They will relentlessly try to impeach her. Picture a Marvel version of DC’s Joker character crossed with 30 gremlins wearing bolo ties. If Deadpool can have some comic relief why can’t she? By the way she’s invulnerable to those weirdos.”

“Do they have a cool villain’s lair?”

“Naw. They live under rocks in Kingman.”

“But, listen. We think we have a blockbuster on our hands with her biggest storyline. It will be huge. Boffo. Oscar material.”

“Give me a hint.”

“Huge cast. We’re still looking for our Rudy Giuliani . We’re thinking Malkovich.”

“Giuliani, huh? Wow. I don’t have clue.”

“In April your Attorney General Kris Mayes indicted 18 people. 11 of the charged were local yokel fake electors and 7 Donald Trump aides including Rudy. And now, because they’re ordinary schlubs facing prison, they’re flipping. Can you feel the excitement?”

“Not really. Not yet…”

“First, former Trump attorney, Jenna ‘Crybaby’ Ellis, flipped because prison can be bad for your hair. In the movie her name will be Crybaby.”

“What’s her power?”

“Destroying democracy with just her signature. But she has a fatal weakness. She sees a judge with a gavel and her knees buckle and she turns state’s evidence faster than you can say the Incredibale Hulk.”

“Has anyone else flipped?”

“Yes! One of your hometown MAGA weirdos, another alleged fake elector, Lorraine Pellegrino, decided prison is no place for the middle aged former president of the Ahwatukee Republican Women’s Club. But don’t be fooled. This matronly old lady is scarier than Annihilus or Magneto in fake pearls. Her super power is the ability to file a ‘false instrument’. Scary.”

“What?”

“A fraudulent Electoral College certificate. Democracy’s Kryptonite. And you thought shooting spider webs out of your wrists was amazing, right? Don’t be fooled. Filling a fraudulent Electoral College certificate can bring a democracy down! An entire republic! That’s worse than anything Thanos, Dr.Doom or Ultron can do.”

“I get it.”

“We’re thinking of adding her to the cast of the new Marvel series we’re working on.”

“What’s that?”

“Guardians of the Law.”

“Whoa.”

“She’s really GSD. Getting shit done.”

“That’s Governor Shapiro’s tagline.”

“Sorry. But it fits. We’re using it. The Amazing General Mayes. Getting shit done.”