Arizona is at the top of the international news

And it's 1864 all over again

Apr 10, 2024

The day before the Arizona Supreme Court beamed Arizona’s women back to 1864, fake elector and pro-life, pro-liar lawmaker Anthony Kern, the Pious, led fellow MAGA fanatics in prayer on the floor of the State Legislature where they implored God to save them babies. In tongues. As seen here on Tik Tok:

@ynotcani The day before AZ Supreme Court decides if a near total abortion ban passed in 1864 goes back into effect, Anti-abortion extremists pray in tongues on the state Senate floor. Lead by Jan 6er & Fake Elector Sen Anthony Kern. The court is deciding between two conflicting abortion bans in Arizona. A 15 week ban wqs passed in 2022 by the Republican legislature and signed by former Gov Doug Ducey and includes language that preserves the civil war era total ban in case Roe was overturned. The civil war era ban was never repealed and prohibits all abortions with no exceptions for SA. Religious extemists, including the most powerful anti-abortion anti-lgbtq org in the state the center for arizona policy, suppoet the civil war era ban. They also are funding the no campaign the hopes to defeat a voter initiative that would enshrine widely popular abortion rights into the az Constitution.

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Before I ramble on let us pause to consider the seismic reaction that would have erupted if Muslim Arizonans rolled out their prayer rugs on the same hallowed floor and prayed to Allah.

God help them. O ye presumptuous performers of public piety.

And lo, the following day, on Tuesday, the State Supreme Court heard their prayers and ruled that a law from 1864 criminalizing abortion except to save the mother would be the law of the land in 2024.

Back in 1864 women, denied the vote, had no say in the matter.

The MAGA-publican Party in Arizona will be wishing women never got the right to vote after our Dumbass-Ducey-packed-Koch-Club State Supreme Court issued their ruling, and at the very same time Pro-Choice activists were throwing down nearly twice as many petitions as the law requires to get their Amendment on the ballot.

Have the MAGA-publicans not been seen this little news flash in their Fox news feedbag? Surely they’ve heard that every voter in California, Kansas, Kentucky, Michigan, Montana, Ohio and Vermont has voted in droves to protect the right to an abortion and to reject any and all pro-life mullahs on their ballots?

What do these dumb asses expect the vote to be here in Arizona when women see the ballot in November? Pick one:

I WANT TO VOTE FOR THE REPUBLICAN RELIGIOUS FANATIC WHO TOOK AWAY MY REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS AND SENT ME BACK TO 1864.

I WANT TO VOTE FOR THE RATIONAL DEMOCRAT WHO WILL RESTORE AND PROTECT MY REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS

I’ve been cartooning about these zealots forever.

And at last their fundamentalist fantasy has come to pass, here in their Gilead south of the Grand Canyon, thanks to their Lord and pussy grabbing Messiah who stacked the Nation’s Supreme Court coop with the corrupt, clucking puritanical poltroons that ruled Roe v. Wade was verily, an abomination.

Let’s leave Margaret Atwood’s prophecy behind and mosey on back to the territory of 1864, a time when the Civil War still raged, women weren’t allowed to vote and neither could anyone who wasn’t white and a feller could marry a ten-year old girl if that was what he was hankering to do and it was a crime to sell liquor to them heathen savages.

And it is a curious law we’re reviving here in 2024. Let us do a deep dive here into the facts.

According to historian Heather Cox Richardson, the law did not appear to focus on addressing women’s reproduction, which at the time “women largely handled on their own or through the help of doctors who used drugs and instruments to remove what they called dangerous blockages of women’s natural cycles in the four to five months before fetal movement became obvious.”

So abortion was common here in 1864? And assisted by physicians? Well, if that ain’t Gila Monster spit. It wasn’t a baby. It was a “dangerous blockage of a woman’s natural cycles.”

I’m dizzier than a dust devil in July at this point. Then what was the law criminalizing?

Richardson writes the archaic law Arizona’s Pro-life proponents are celebrating was intended in 1864 to “keep men in the chaos of the Civil War from inflicting damage on others—including pregnant women—rather than to police women’s reproductive care.”

Well, I’ll be a javelina’s musk sack.

According to Richardson, the law specifically “says that anyone who uses poison or instruments with the intention to procure the miscarriage of any woman then being with child would face two to five years in jail, provided, that no physician shall be affected by the last clause of this section, who in the discharge of his professional duties deems it necessary to produce the miscarriage of any woman in order to save her life.”

The next section, Richardson notes, warns against cutting out tongues or eyes, slitting noses or lips, or “rendering…useless” someone’s arm or leg.”

One hundred and sixty years later it is the familair tale of the tyranny of men controlling women’s bodies. In 2024 no self respecting woman or male ally is going to permit any minority of men to force their superstitious codes or flawed interpretations of archaic laws on the majority of women, depriving them of their reproductive rights. No woman will ever again surrender control over her body to such a state. This isn’t the old west anymore.

Not today.

Not ever.

Never.

Let us remember those who made this grotesque insult to Arizona’s women possible.

First, the stone-cold single dip Doug Ducey. It was, after all, Arizona’s chuckle-head-in-chief who packed the state’s Supreme Court with supremely extremist Koch heads.

And secondly, it was our bloated Attorney General, Mark Brnovich, the same bilious MAGA droid who sat on his department’s investigation of the asinine cyber ninjas, who teed up this medieval ball and chain.

And third, every MAGA-naut mega-church Mullah from Mesa to Kingman to Apache Junction itching to police your privates.

I can remember a time long ago when Republicans were the Chamber of Commerce guys who were embarrassed by the town John Bircher in the back of the meeting room handing out pamphlets warning us about how the Reds were putting Fluoride in our water supply.

They’re all gone. I miss them, The RINOs and their gadfly friends were harmless starched shirts by comparison.

Now it’s just all crackpot “Christians for Trump” preoccupied with your wife, mother, daughter and sister’s private parts, praying in tongues, licking their lips over “predators’ and “groomers” and standing guard in your bedroom, our salacious scripture skimming sentinels of sexuality, policing the private comings and goings between the legs and up the uterus of every woman in this state.

It is none of your goddam business.

The funny part is Arizona’s divinely ordained dildos have no clue how it is bad the blowback will be. Trump’s minions are gifted with mind boggling short sightedness. Every Elmer Gantry of Goober Gulch is as naive and deluded as the liquor prohibitionists of the twenties.

And now with the election guillotine looming every royal ass is climbing out the oxcart they wove by hand.

Kari Lake, the lie peddling delusional Trump diva is already lying her ass off, claiming the 1864 law goes too far, the same law the great news crawl reading legal scholar once described as “great”.

Here’s the link, fact checkers: https://www.politifact.com/factchecks/2022/oct/12/katie-hobbs/az-gop-governor-hopeful-lake-called-near-total-abo/

Permit me to quote the respected Poynter Institute’s “PolitiFact” site: In an interview Lake gave on "The Conservative Circus with James T. Harris," Lake reacted to the Supreme Court decision to overturn Roe.

"I'm incredibly thrilled that we are going to have a great law that's already on the books," Lake said. Thrilled, she said, incredibly thrilled.

"I believe it's ARS 13-3603, so it will prohibit abortion in Arizona except to save the life of a mother. And I think we're going to be paving the way and setting course for other states to follow." Paving the way. Pioneering prehistoric abortion laws. Praise be.

Now the aging former Fox anchor, our favorite delusional habitual litigant, addicted to losing, is trying to cut that regrettable anchor from around her pretty neck, claiming this “great” law is now just too darn extreme, gosh darn it, just too extreme.

Kari once said Arizonans know bullshit when they see it. This bullshit we don’t have to see. We can smell the stench of political desperation a mile away.

Arizona’s MAGA-publican Party HQ in Phoenix is up for sale.

Donations are down, lower in the dirt than a rattlesnake’s scrotum.

Their criminal Presidential candidate is going to lose and end up grifting in prison.

Arizona’s current Attorney General is raining subpoenas on the party’s remaining prominent players in the Big Lie production.

Come November every MAGA bonehead on the ballot is going to get blown out of office by the shit storm of righteous wrath that’s going to blow their way when the women of Arizona and their male allies vote to enshrine a woman’s right to choose in our Constitution for all time, leave the 19th century behind in the dust, and turn our state a deep enduring blue.

P. S. Next time lawmaker Kern falls to his knees to pray with his fellow MAGA Biblical scholars he should ponder Proverbs 21:19-21 . ”Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman.”