Congressman Juan Ciscomani’s 12 Pet Peeves:

1. Donald hardly ever calls

2. Busybody “paid” Anti-Fa “protestors” outside office

3. Being found by a “Where’s Waldo” search party at Waldo’s hiding space

4. “Invisibility Cape” a ripoff

5. Losing at Hide ‘n’ Seek

6. Whiners bitching about my beloved Fuhrer’s “alleged” corruption

7. Godless Marxist heathens asking me if I think Trump is a good Christian

8. Consultants saying “Show the voters you’re more than just a pretty face”

9. Trump’s nickname for me: “The Cisco Kid”

10. Ungrateful American women. After all I’ve done to protect the unborn

11. Packed Town Halls

12. Misguided “No Kings” protestors

13. Rural hospitals, veterans and SNAP parasites whining because I signed Trump’s Big Beautiful Bill

14. Tariffs on English Pomade

15. Jesus Christ isn’t our President

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My father, the quiet man knew.

That same year the movie “Patton”, starring the gruff George C. Scott, came out. A veteran of the “Good War”, he insisted we see it together. “It’s on at the Base theater. Do you have to wear those bell bottoms?”

We bonded over war movies and history. We were the first in line.

There’s a moment at the end of the film where Patton is seen alone after the war, overseeing the occupation in peacetime Europe, walking his beloved dog on a cold winter’s day. The great war hero reflects on an ancient Roman custom as walks into the distance.

Perhaps you remember it.

“For over a thousand years, Roman conquerors returning from the wars enjoyed the honor of a triumph—a tumultuous parade. In the procession came trumpeters and musicians and strange animals from the conquered territories, together with carts laden with treasure and captured armaments. The conqueror rode in a triumphal chariot, the dazed prisoners walking in chains before him. Sometimes his children, robed in white, stood with him in the chariot, or rode the trace horses. A slave stood behind the conqueror, holding a golden crown, and whispering in his ear a warning that all glory ... is fleeting.”

Or as the stoic philosophers of the old world would say “Sic transit gloria mundi”, which translates to “Thus passes the glory of the world”.

That was the only time during the movie my dad turned and gave me that steely look that wordlessly suggested I should heed the wisdom, “ All glory is fleeting,” punctuated by a nod. I nodded back in the dark theater, saying nothing to the fastidious warrior I adored because my drooling mouth was stuffed with Milk Duds.

It took me years to understand why this idea, that little endures, save for our fidelity to freedom, mattered so greatly to the Master Sergeant.

We left the theater happy to have survived the second World War.

If you have never seen the film “Patton” is a five star cinematic treat about the singular four star general whose armored division rolled across Africa, up into Italy and then across Europe, breaking the German’s last ditch defensive advance in the Battle of the Bulge and rolling across the Rhein River into the the rubble of what was the most obscene murderous anti-democratic political fever to ever terrorize the globe.

The Good War, the Master Sergeant called it, more than once on the walk to his humble Ford Falcon. “When I signed up I said tell Hitler and Tojo I’m going to kill ‘em all.” He’d grin his Irish-American “street tough” grin at me.

Go, dad!

Dad is long dead and once in a long while when I need my father’s voice this 70-year old man will talk to his grinning ghost. “You were right., Damn it,” or “Miss you, old man. I wish I had gotten all your life stories out of you before you left us,” or “I’m glad I lived this long to finally learn this lesson, pop.”

I say “I’m glad I lived this long to finally learn this lesson, pop,” an awful lot these days.

The two greatest lessons he enjoy teaching were empathy and humility. His highly sophisticated empathy lesson always took the same form. He had been a Featherweight boxing champ when he was a kid. I never saw him lose his temper or strike anyone. But if he caught wind of me bullying anyone he’d call me over, place his warm open palm on my cheek and say, “I hear you were picking on a kid at school.” And then he’d gently pat my cheek. “Now how would you like it if I did that to you?”

He never struck me. Ever. Didn’t need to.

As for humility, I remember being with him on the base walking to his office and he would point to the massive grey and white hangar that had the single word “PRIDE” painted across the length of the entire roof in huge white caps like the Hollywood sign.

“Hey, pop, isn’t pride a bad thing?”

“No, sir. Pride has to be earned. Do you hear me?”

“Yes, sir.”

Then he’d channel the altar boy who grew up an orphan on the brutal streets of Manhattan by reciting scripture. “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”

“Yes, sir.”

“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.” Got that? Proverbs.”

“Uh-huh.”

And then he’d grin, because the street orphan loved the dream of justice for the oppressed his God promised him. “The Lord detests the proud. They will surely be punished.”

“But-”

”Don’t ever forget false pride is a sin boy. Always goes before a fall.”

I had no clue what he was saying, until later in my life when my own inflated ego was my foe.

I never forgot the lesson, a lesson for today’s world, suffering from an empathy deficit nurtured by cruel leaders who believe their glory will endure. Hang enough giant banners and portraits in hopes you’ll be remembered and all I can think of is an Italian dictator’s last hours back in 1945 at the close of WWII.

Patton’s forces were spearing the underbelly of occupied Europe through then Fascist and Pro-Nazi Italy and the Italians were caving. were Benito, the bully, tried to disguise himself and escape the mobs but because he had pridefully insisted on putting his face and name on everything he was recognized in an instant by partisans who nabbed him, disguised as a German soldier fleeing Italy in a troop truck. A quickly assembled firing squad dispatched the great strutting narcissist, Benito Mussolini and his pitiful adoring mistress to Dante’s Hell.

Pride goes before a fall, right, pop?

If only Benito and every leader like him today had their own servant holding a “golden crown” and whispering the warning “that all glory is fleeting.” But once a mortal believes otherwise the risk is great.

The vengeful anti-Fascist partisans mutilated the despised Fascist’s bullet riddled corpse and displayed it in a public square hanging it upside down, alongside his mistress, for the people, exhausted by years of Mussolini’s cruel grip on their lives, to spit on, curse and cheer.

His shredded remains were displayed, stolen by neo-Fascists, kept hidden for a decade, and finally buried in an unmarked grave.

Two days later Adolf Hitler took his own life in his bunker. Hitler, having heard what happened to Benito’s body, ordered his corpse burned to escape the humiliation of having his body mutilated and displayed like Mussolini’s by the conquering Russians.

Sic transit gloria mundi.

Thus passes the glory of the world.

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Poorly regulated Camp Mystic in Texas files for moral bankruptcy after catastrophic floods killed 28 people

Extreme heat melting records across Europe, more coming Saturday, next week, month, next year, entire epoch

Senate Passes Resolution Directing Trump to End Hostilities With Iran and Begin Hostilities With Trump

RAGING TRUMP, FURIOUS AT POLLS, ORDERS WAR SECRETARY HEGSETH TO DRAWS UP PLANS TO INVADE POLAND

CONGRESS PASSES HISTORIC VETO-PROOF HOUSING BILL FOR WORKING AMERICANS, REAL ESTATE BILLIONAIRE GRIFTER TRUMP POUTS INSIDE PALATIAL D.C. GOVERNMENT HOUSING

Rebuke comes one week after the president signed framework with Tehran with Sharpie on roll of Official White House toilet paper

Trump and Iran sign “memo of misunderstanding” to end hostilities, “details as clear as Trump’s reflecting pool”

President who is said to “turn everything he touches to shit ” surprises critics by turning Reflecting Pool waters to “mere algae”

CEASE-FIRE DEAL HERALDED BY TRUMP “AS FANTASTIC AGREEMENT TO AGREE ON SOMETHING AT SOME POINT IN THE FUTURE WHATEVER THAT SOMETHING MIGHT BE”

Vance says deal for Iran includes $300 billion reconstruction fund, copy of “Art of the Deal” autographed by President Trump

Touted Iran deal to be signed behind curtain in front of Kennedy Center

Atomic Energy Agency reports Iran now more likely to acquire a nuclear weapon than before Trump’s war, Trump orders white curtain installed across agency

Iran’s allies: global economic pressure and coming midterms defeat Trump, United States surrenders

MAGA Republicans to run on unnecessary destruction and loss of life as key GOP value

SOUTH TUCSON SALSA RECALLED DUE TO POTENTIAL FOR SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION AND RISK OF CAUSING AREA WILDFIRES

Scientists claim “San Andreas fault, San Jacinto fault, and you” are more stressed than any time in 1,000 years

JD Vance writes of journey to Catholicism in ‘Communion,’ first book since ‘Mein Hillbilly Kampf’

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With “Old Tucson” looking to change hands many wonder what the possibilities could be. Here’s my list of helpful suggestions:

• Southwest World featuring cyborgs recycled from rusted Goodwill finds

• Elon’s Space-X Space Port and Sarsaparilla Bar

• New Tucson Post-Apocalyptic Theme Park

• High Chaparral Marijuana Dispensary and Pot Farm

• Knott’s Nutty Barely-a-Farm

• Old Tattoine: 10 Miles and 100,000 Light-Years from Town

• Six Flags over an Abandoned Western Theme Park

• Bonanza! The Casino!

• Torchy the Cowpoke’s Fire Safety City

• Blazing Doorknobs Summer Fun Park

• Frank Herbert’s Dune Town

• Bataan Death March Theme Park—Only open in July

• ICE Detention Center for Undocumented Disney workers

• Jackie Chan’s “Varmint Village” for Retired Gunfight Reenactors

• Marshall Jeff Bezos’ Wild Wild West AI Data Center and Public Noise Nuisance Jamboree

The possibilities are like an afternoon stroll around Old Tucson in the middle of July: Endless.

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When I turned 15-years, and seven months old, the Master Sergeant said, “It’s time you learned to drive.” He said it the same way he said, “David, it’s time you learned to swim.”

Terror.

“We’re going out to the Flight Line. You’ll love it, boy. Great place to learn how to drive. Wide open spaces.”

Horror.

“It’s a tarmac, pop. You sure about this?”

No dad has ever heard, “You sure about this?” from his kid and thought, “Good point, kid. Maybe I’m not sure about what I’m doing here. Why, yes, I shall reconsider the wisdom of this choice.”

Instead, 1971’s “Father of the Year” said, “Lighten up, squirt. The airfield is perfect. It’s just a big parking lot. It’s Sunday morning. It’s dead.”

As he drove us there, I asked him how he learned to drive.

“Taught myself. When I was 14, I stole a Model T.”

Throughout his life I asked my father for cash, for loans, for signatures, forgiveness, the keys to car, help with my education and advice about the plumbing. My greatest regret? I didn’t ask him for more stories.

“It was stupid. Drove it off a country bridge and hitchhiked home. Did I tell you about the time I stole money from the poor box to take the ferry out to Potter’s Field to visit your grandfather’s grave? I missed the ferry back and spent the entire night on the cemetery island.”

“Many times, pop. The best scary bedtime story ever.” We had arrived. It was time to get out and switch seats. I slid into the driver’s seat of his pride, a sun-bleached 1954 Ford Falcon that he kept running with prayer, wires, duct tape and spit. “Why can’t I learn to drive in our neighborhood like everybody else?”

He pointed to the flat empty horizon with his lit Marlboro. “When I taught your sister to drive our old Pontiac ended up in the flowerpots on Mr. Goldberg’s front porch. I’m not going through that again. Head over to that air raid siren. And don’t hit it.”

I crept along wondering when our incursion would be discovered. He flicked an ash out his window. “Floor it, Buck Rogers. You can go faster than 15-miles an hour.”

I’m flying an ancient rattle trap and Chuck Yeager is my copilot. He turned the half-melted plastic leaning Jesus on his dashboard around so He could lean, “into our headwinds.”

“This isn’t an X-15 I’m driving here. Can I change the music?”

“No. Percy Faith calms my nerves. Just drive. Hands at 9 and 3. Check your rear view mirror.”

I did. “Hey, pop, there’s a blue pick-up truck behind us that looks very official. And its lights are flashing.”

The Master Sergeant looked behind us. “Dammit!” I hit the brakes and skidded. The Military Police stopped behind us and an armed soldier approached our vehicle. The Greatest Generation gave me his best serious Eisenhower look. “No jokes this time. I got this.”

Good call. Years later I’m glad I didn’t confess we were sent by Boris and Natasha to photograph military installations.

The smooth-talking Master Sergeant got us home in time for the Ed Sullivan show. He bragged about the incident every time he had a cold beer in his hand. “Should have seen the MP’s face when he found out I was an NCO. And you should have seen Dave. I thought sure he was going to wet his pants.”

Lesson: Better to try something daring and absurd, and apologize afterwards, than to have never tried.

I was tasked with sorting his possessions after we buried him. We sold his cars, sis got his flag, and I got his tools, the very tools he used to keep our hapless junkers, beaters and rattle traps running through countless summer road trips and graduations.

I spent a lot of my childhood in our carport handing him those tools as he tinkered. In return, he gave me tools for living:

“Takes a dollar to learn a dollar. All the best junkyards are south of 22nd Street. Any jackass can kick down a barn. Takes a man to build one. Jackass is an acceptable curse word.”

Sorting the last of his possessions I discovered Dad’s most precious treasures in the top drawer of his bureau: his spare shoelaces, his toenail clipper, his keys to forgotten locks, pictures of mom, old credit cards, war medals, too many old reader’s eyeglasses, and our ancient baby teeth wrapped in a very old handkerchief. Next to the baby teeth I found every misspelled handmade Father’s Day card he had ever gotten from us, neatly stacked. “Best Dad Ever.” “Thanks, Dad. You’re one In A Million.”

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1. Send ICE Agents to the polls to intimidate voters

2. Order National Guard units to the polls to stifle protests and intimidate voters

3. Persuade billionaire donors to bribe God

4. Persuade Elon to bribe Satan. Again

5. Repeat accusations of election fraud by Democrats

   

6. End vote-by-mail ( Dr.Evil’s idea )

7. End Tuesdays (Melania’s suggestion)

8. Rename the month of November “Trump-tober” to confuse voters

9. Persecute nonpartisan civic engagement groups

10. Make it harder for newly naturalized citizens to vote

11. Make it harder for Melania to vote

12. Make it easier for MAGA voters to vote with crayons ( inedible )

    

13. Sue news outlets that expose deep fake MAGA campaign ads

14. Challenge winning results with lawsuits, lawsuits, lawsuits

15. And more lawsuits

16. Order the FBI to investigate Democratic candidates

17. Order FBI to investigate and search offices run by Democratic County Recorders

18. Order the National Guard to confiscate ballots

19. Swap adjacent states with each other to confuse voters

20. Obliterate the Voting Rights Act

21. Invite armed MAGA vigilantes to the polls

22. Seize personal and private voter data if there’s any data about us these crooked scumbags don’t have already

23. Purge voter rolls of Democrats

24. Seize ballots and election materials

25. Rig voting maps

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MAGA gubernatorial candidate Andy Biggs’ Pet Peeves

1. Porky pig

2. Having to smile when Trump calls me Biggy Smalls

3. Governing

4. Constant comparison to “Biff” from “Back to the Future”

5. Why can’t very day be January 6th?

6. Good friend Paul Gosar’s breath

7. Suspicion by others winning the sweepstakes was an act of Satan and not God

8. Katie Hobbs

9. Homos and drag queens who believe we are all God’s children

10. And Jews (Shhhh..)

But wait there’s more Pet Peeves

1. Sometimes the soles of Trumps shoes taste funny

2. “House Freedom Caucus” never writes, calls, shares racist jokes anymore

3. Democracy and Katie Hobbs

4. Tiki torches allowed to run low on Tiki fluid

5. The woke leftist lesbian femi-nazis persecuting Biggs’ fellow MAGA candidate Mark Lamb just because he likes the little ladies

6. “Election Denier” deniers

7. AntiFa-Socialist-Marxist-Illegal-Immigrant-DEI-loving ICE protestors. suffering Trump Derangement with an Empathy surplus

8. Voucher Program Fiscal Hawks and Kris Mayes

9. Whiners upset Biggs tried to overturn the vote of every Arizonan in the 2020 election and Katie Hobbs

10. Being mistaken for the Great Train Robber Ronnie Biggs, who used his money to fund his escape and a new life on the run

But wait there’s only 10 more Pet Peeves:

1. Being mistaken for using his $10 million in 1993 American Family Publishers sweepstakes winnings to better all mankind

2. Being slammed for using the $10 million to fund leap from law to full-time disruptive radical far right politics

3. Fussy critics who point out when prevaricating Biggs posts that Hobbs is “Under investigation” he fails to note it’s by an out-of-state, private MAGA lawyer that his MAGA crew hired to “Investigate” her

4. The word “prevaricating”

5. Elites from the big city who say comb-overs are a “Glamour Don’t”

6. Women who think there’s ever a justification for an abortion

7. MSNBC, CNN, New Times, The Arizona Republic and The Arizona Daily Star and every network but FOX

8. The Voting Rights Act

9. Ballroom naysayers

10. Vermin

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RFK Jr downs algae from Reflecting Pool, says “algae and pond scum an excellent source of protein and Omega-3 fatty acids”

DEAL MAKER DONALD TOUTS “HISTORIC” MULTI-BILLION DOLLAR PAYOFF TO IRAN IN EXCHANGE FOR NOTHING

EXPERT ANALYSIS: Stormy Daniels went away for far less than Iran

Department of War to change name to United States Defensive Department

White House counters critics, “Trump promised base they’d get tired of Winning”

Trump signs unconditional surrender to Iran at Versailles, where France surrendered to Hitler in 1940

Iran to charge fees in the Strait of Hormuz, Foreign Ministry spokesperson says, laughing

ALLEGED “STABLE GENIUS”, REALIZES WAR MUST END “BECAUSE OF THREAT TO GLOBAL OIL SUPPLY”, BILLIONS OF DOLLARS, HUNDREDS OF LIVES AND LIMBS TOO LATE

Trump takes victory lap at G7 summit, celebrates setting up Vice President Vance to be unparalleled strategic disaster’s “fall guy”

President defends letting Tehran keep its arsenal of ballistic missiles, letting his $15 million reflecting pool keep it’s “phenomenally beautiful green algae”

Trump warns self continuing war could lead to an "global depression”

Trump fails to warn self continuing in office could lead to impeachment

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Here is the opening clause of the Iran War Memo of Understanding as this American understands it:

The United States and the Islamic Republic of Iran are signing this MOU to declare the immediate surrender of the United States of America to the Islamic Republic of Iran, with both radical theocratic parties undertaking from now on not to initiate any military operations against each other, or Iranian school children, and to refrain from randomly texting bizarre, inconsistent, empty threats of use of force against Iran by President Trump. Both radical theocratic parties will work to ensure the territorial integrity and sovereignty of Lebanon which makes Israel your #@! headache.

The final deal will confirm the permanent termination of Trump’s reputation as a master deal maker and this idiotic, wasteful, fruitless war on all fronts.

So what did we get?

A pledge to lift all sanctions against Iran.

Where’s the pledge form our White House to never again send our military treasure into harm’s way for such disastrous ill-conceived idiocy?

I’m surprised Trump didn’t demand a pledge from all participants to call reporters who ask detailed questions about this proposed treaty “Stupid piggies”.

A pledge to lift all UN resolutions.

I’m surprised Trump didn’t demand a white curtain be strung across the presentation of this fiasco. Little Rubio has to sell this bucket of loose stool to the Republican Congress and, in his 2028 campaign, candidate Vance, author of “Hillbilly Self-Pity” will have to wear it, smeared and caked on his smug face. They both deserve it. Ambition blinded them to the cardinal rule of associating with Trump : “Everything and everyone he touches turns to shit.”

A pledge to lift all International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) Board of Governors resolutions.

This from the President who loves to threaten to end civilizations.

The release of frozen Iranian assets.

Holy Mullahs. Many of those assets have been frozen for decades, dating as far back as the 1979 Islamic Revolution and back then I was 24 and now I’m 70 The frozen funds are estimated to be between $100 billion and over $160 billion.

Money talks. Trump walks.

That’ll teach them Iranians to mess with the Master of the Art of the Deal.

A U.S.-led commitment to develop a $300 billion reconstruction and economic development plan for Iran paid for by private investors.

Who? Gee, I wonder what the benevolent private investors will get for their money? A piece of Gaza as well as Iran, too?

A timeline for U.S. forces to withdraw from the proximity of Iran following a final deal.

This is the “Skedaddle-Now-We-Kicked-Your-Ass Clause”.

Iran’s commitment to ensure safe passage for oil tankers is guaranteed for 60 days in the Strait of Hormuz.

Only 60 days. That’s 3-months. Right up into election season. Timing is everything, as Netanyahu once said to Trump while Trump was napping.

The long-term administration of the critical waterway will be left to future negotiations between Iran, Oman, and other Persian Gulf states.

Our “Sphere of Influence” is losing air faster than the GOP’s grandad is losing his grip on reality.

Iran reaffirms it will not procure or develop nuclear weapons.

And Democrats promise they won’t launch an impeachment when they win in November. And President Barack Obama promises he won’t laugh his ass off at this train wreck. Cross their hearts.

Iran agrees to maintain the current status quo of its nuclear program pending a final deal.

The nuclear program Trump “obliterated”? That one?

Enriched material stockpiles would be down-blended on site under IAEA supervision as a minimum baseline.

While Trump, the Vigilant, plays with his ballroom model, watches UFC fights on cable and gets back to full-time grifting.

Broader questions about enrichment and Iran’s nuclear will be resolved in final deal negotiations.

And Trump will never lie again. Really.

The U.S. agrees not to impose new sanctions or deploy additional forces in the region while those talks proceed.

Because the price of oil is ruled by whoever controls the Strait of Hormuz. The trillion dollar geography lesson our Dumb-Ass-in-Chief didn’t learn in school when he was 12.

The MOU sets a 60-day deadline, extendable by mutual consent, to finalize a comprehensive agreement, which would ultimately be endorsed by a binding U.N. Security Council resolution.

In setting this agreement-to-agree deadline the phrase “mutual consent” jumped out at me. Must sting the old swine who claimed he could grab any pussy he wanted. Consent. There’s a concept for the characterless.

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Meidas+

BREAKING: Read Full Text of U.S.-Iran Memorandum of Understanding Shared by U.S. Official

A senior administration official has revealed the full text of the memorandum of understanding between the United States and Iran to reporters, offering the clearest picture yet of what the two countries have agreed t…

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13 days ago · 365 likes · 95 comments · MeidasTouch Network

1. Personally shoot them on Fifth Avenue

2. Force feed them McDonald’s until death declared

3. Place the prisoner in stocks, press Trump’s bare ass against their face and unleash lethal fart

4. Use Putin’s two weapons of choice: 1. High Balcony. 2. Open window.

5. Confine condemned in a small space with his lethal body odor for two excruciating minutes *

6. Asphyxiation by spray coating the condemned head to toe in Gold Krylon spray paint

7. Force the condemned to watch “Gutfield!” or “The FOX Five” until the prisoner gags to death

8. Public hanging on the Washington Mall with the restored “January 6th Pence gallows”

9. “Hunger Games” training exercise for ICE

10. Condemned will be stared at by Stephen Miller until death is victim’s only release from torment

11. The Epstein: A cell and a bed sheet noose

*Condemned by the Hague World Court

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President Trump says Iran agrees to peace deal which they rejected

“THE. LEAST CORRUPT REGIME EVER” SAYS FITZSIMMONS, AWAITING APPOINTMENT AS AMBASSADOR TO REPUBLIC OF IRELAND

WHITE HOUSE REZONED FOR “WHITES ONLY” TRAILER PARK

POLL: MAJORITY OF AMERICANS TRUST IRANIANS, SCREWWORMS, CRACK ADDICTS MORE THAN TRUMP

Trump drains finite oil reserve “to artificially lower gas prices until this war never ends”

2 adults killed, 4 children hurt in school mass shooting destined to be forgotten until next mass shooting

Trump marks “Oil Stocks Manipulation Friday” by announcing 47th peace deal with Iranians

EXCLUSIVE: Bibi Netanyahu’s 3 favorite tools: ball peen hammer, cordless 16” chainsaw and Donald Trump

7 killed in synagogue mass shooting, destined to be forgotten until next mass shooting

Todd Blanche, Trump’s Private Lawyer in Uphill Fight to be Trump’s Private Attorney General

US flag booed before World Cup 2026 opening game in Mexico City, flag lies, flag claims it only heard cheers

American Medical Association members edging towards declaring war on Polio, Measles, HHS Secretary RFK, Jr.

Trump losing support from independents and underpants

VIDEOS SHOWING GROUPS OF STRANGE PEOPLE ENTERING NYC SEWERS AT NIGHT BAFFLE EVERYONE BUT FRANZ KAFKA

Trump’s name removed from Kennedy Center; Melania laments Center harder for President to find now

2 killed, 12 teens hurt in mall mass shooting destined to be forgotten until next mass shooting

Paramount-Skydance merger with Warner Bros-Discovery won’t harm anything, says Dept of Justice-Oligarchs Incorporated-A Subsidiary of Trump Org

HOW TO STAY SAFE WHILE TRAVELING DURING EXTREME HEAT: ONLY TRAVEL FROM BEDROOM TO KITCHEN

Flesh-eating Screwworm Overwhelmed by Amount of Flesh Obese Americans Possess

Oldest elected President proud he can distinguish a drawing of a cow from a lion, a TV and a flower

Sale of SpaceX stock makes Elon Musk a trillionaire, still short of funds to afford authentic human soul

3 parishioners killed, 10 hurt in church mass shooting destined to be forgotten until next mass shooting

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We recently read where Senator Gallego no longer calls himself a “Progressive”. He calls himself a “Pragmatic”.

Being a progressive is the pragmatic choice for me.

How so?

I think I’m simply rational.

Oh, really?

Really. Progressivism is a rational political philosophy born out of reason, often it is a response to the excesses of unregulated capitalism. The late Raul Grijalva, my hero, was Arizona’s Progressive voice forever. And I might add Arizona has many more substantive liberal political commentators out there to read than me, thinkers who are more substantive than me. Blake Morlock. Tim Stellar. Jim Nintzel. Laurie Roberts. Mort Rosenblum. Serious writers who cover issues like our border, city hall or legislature with depth. Writers who interview the Arizona’s political powerhouses. While all the time wearing oxygen masks, carrying idiot repellent and struggling not to laugh.

What about the Party?

I’m a Democrat. We have young leaders in the State Democrat Party who are magnificent. Experienced. Competent. Pass the torch already!

Are you a Udall Progressive, a Gallego Pragmatic or Grijalva Progressive?

Uh huh, si and Yes.

You won best column in the state a few times.

When I worked for the Star. For sentimental pieces. In contrast, what I produce now on a weekly basis is a mix of social satire, rants, political satire and in one word: piffle.

Drivel?

No. Piffle. Fun to write. Nonsense. A pleasure. Something between Andy Borowitz and Molly Ivins.

You prefer satire?

A left hook out of nowhere is more effective than a weak right jab up the middle. Sometimes we need a topical relief from all the same old Trump commentary; sometimes it’s a rant or other times it’s just a walk in the desert sorting out the serious stuff from the ephemeral tumbleweeds.

Why a “Satirical Voice”?

I am not a directly confrontational guy. More of a weasel by habit. I wanted to alert readers about the perspective they were about to consume. It’s a warning label. I was done with angry letters to the editor from “shocked” and “surprised” readers. (Those were mostly from my mom. She had distinctive handwriting. Only person I knew who spelled “kill” with three “l”s.)

I was done with explaining myself to angry critics. I was at a point in my life where I wanted to write unquestioned, uncensored, unedited progressive satirical opinion. Substack was the answer. It’s free. Don’t like it? Don’t subscribe. If you like it consider donating.

Sounds arrogant, pal.

Nah. Just weary of years of being polite to human brick walls who wanted to “dialogue” with me. No time left for such a foolish squandering of precious hours on futile sparring.

You're not that progressive and you're pretty inconsistent.

And you are pretty annoying. Leave a comment.

You don’t read ‘em.

Every single one. I’ve got the time. I’m retired. I love my readers.

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Hush, little Donny, don’t say a word

Hush, little Donny, don’t say a word,

Mama’s gonna buy you a mockingbird.

And if that bird won’t cut the gloom,

Congress’s gonna buy you a big ballroom!

And if that ballroom’s not your thing,

Congress’s gonna buy you a wrestling ring.

And if that wrestling ring falls short

Congress’s gonna buy you a drone air port.

And if your drone port falls apart,

Congress’s gonna buy you a giant arch!

And if that giant arch falls down,

You’ll still be the sleepiest baby in town!

Rock-a-bye, Baby Donny

Rock-a-bye, Donny, while Marco raps

While the world blows, sweet Donny naps

Poor drowsy Donny, see his eyes close

And here slumbers tweeter, the one MAGA chose

Drooling and snoozing, in his work chair

Sleepy old Don, he’s not even there.

Asleep at the switch. Our nation is doomed!

While baby sleeps and dreams of ballrooms!

Twinkle, twinkle, TV star

Twinkle, twinkle, little Trump,

Was it you who took a dump?!

Up above the world so high,

What’s that smell you drowsy guy?

Stinky, Winkie, TV star,

How’d you ever get this far?

Up above the people so high

lie by lie by lie by lie?

O Donny boy

Oh, Donny boy, the courts, the courts are calling

From nap to nap, and down dementia-wise.

Your summer’s gone, and all your dreams are failing,

It’s you, it’s you must go and we must smi-i-ile.

And We’ll come back when you’re go-o-one from the Whi-i-ite House,

When the nation’s he-e-ealed and filled with ho-o-ope,

It’s We’ll be here in sunshine—or in shadow,

Oh, Donny boy, ye feckin’ shite, you had to go!

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Yes. I’m here at Geneva, Switzerland, where the World Meteorological Organization has just issued a formal warning confirming that concerning El Niño conditions are actively developing.

Now?

Yes! Now! And the World Meteorological Organization is urging all governments, humanitarian agencies, and climate-sensitive industries to begin preparations immediately.

Immediately?

Or sooner. The above average temperatures forecast nearly everywhere for June to August are predicted to increase the risk of historic heatwaves and floods. Southern Arizona will be hotter and drier. Northern Arizona will be wetter. It’s a once in a century event and we must prepare for it. Now.

Now?

Are you deaf?

So this El Niño thing will be bad?

Floodzilla bad.

So it’s really bad?

El Niño Malo bad.

Disastrous bad?

El One and Only Super Niño disastrous bad.

Tonight’s weather is brought to you by Inexorable Forces and Political Indifference. Inexorable Forces and Political Indifference, working together to bake the planet. And now back to the weather with Andy, our weatherman.

So your sources are saying this El Niño will be terrifying?!

They’re calling it El Niño de Stephen King.

Biblical flooding?

Pope Leo dubbed it Hell’s Niño.

Will it be cinematic?

It’s going to be JJ Abrams presents El Niño bad! Coming to a hemisphere near you!

Gargantuan?

Niño-zilla.

The Big One?

El Big One. Climate Change’s “Little Friend”. El Madre of all Niños. Your Worst Niño. El Franken-Niño. Darth Weather.

Wow.

It’s going to be El Tsu-niño bad. Los Global Crop Shortages bad. El Famine-o bad. El far fewer niños y niñas bad.

So we should be concerned?

Nah. What’s to worry about? It’s only El Tyrannosaurus-Niño.

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I think it looks like:

• Evil Knievel’s Memorial Gazebo

• Uncle Sam’s foot stool

• Drive-thru window for giant oligarchs to purchase favors

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Here are the seventeen big name wrestlers who have signed:

1. Jeffrey Epstein

2. Jeffrey Epstein

3. Jeffrey Epstein

4. Jeffrey Epstein

5. Jeffrey Epstein

6. Jeffrey Epstein

7. Jeffrey Epstein

8. Jeffrey Epstein

9. Jeffrey Epstein

10. Jeffrey Epstein

11. Jeffrey Epstein

12. Jeffrey Epstein

13. Jeffrey Epstein

14. Jeffrey Epstein

15. Jeffrey Epstein

16. Jeffrey Epstein

17. Jeffrey Epstein

18. Lest we forget

Here are the 25 actual male UFC fighters who signed:

1. Sling Blade

2. The Mortician

3. The Mortician’s Underpaid Part-Time Assistant

4. Baby Huey

5. Fred Flintstone

6. Boo Bam-Bam Radley

7. Count Chocula

8. Ringo

9. Husky Hogan

10. The Goonie-lator

11. Apollo Bunyan

12. Alley Oop

13. Stone Cold Creamer

14. Vehicular Manslaughter

15. Knuckles the Merciless Boor

16. The Manatee

17. Tor

18. Palooka

19. The Uncultivated

20. Middle School Dropout-icus Rex

21. Mister O. Bliterator

22. Vulgarian

23. Sir Anger Issues

24. Randy the “Moderately Rough Low-Brow Primitive Philistine”

25. Captain Testes

Here are the 20 actual female UFC fighters who signed:

1. Rhonda Rousey Jones

2. Holly Hellblazer

3. Piggy

4. Malevolent Missy

5. Spawn of Nurse Ratched

6. The Worst Reporter

7. Terrible Human Being

8. Pretty Woman who Never Smiles

9. Tiffany the Tyrant

10. Inappropriate Irene

11. Oprah

12. Dead End Darla

13. Miss Wrong-in-a-Thong

14. Kayla Kreamcheese

15. Rebecca of Sunnybrook Slaughterhouse

16. Furiosa DeRipley

17. Wilma the Black Widow

18. Barbie Barbarosa Von She-Wolf III

19. Karen

20. Wicked Witch of the Midwest

May the best competitor in Trump’s birthday games win fame, a GED, a career in porn or a Presidential pardon.

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I’ve decided to sell my soul to Satan and offer to make a deal with the devil himself, President Donald Trump, that I do not think he’ll be able to resist because it is the rocking deal of the century because I represent 16 of the most fantastic all-American musical superstars of all- time and I’m offering them to the nation on it’s 250th birthday to guarantee a rocking Fourth!

As you know, America, the 16-day, NASCAR/UFC/USA event is a monster part of this year’s “America 250” celebrations and it will kick off June 25th in Washington which will be populated with National Guardsmen dying from heatstroke and paid Trump boosters. 

I want to do my part to make this the best “America 250” concert ever!

So I wrote the President this letter:

Dear President Trump-

Here are the musicians I represent who are willing to perform at your “Great American State Fair Music” program. A simple “Hell, yes” will do.

Kisses to Melania.

You, me and Jeffrey had some times didn’t we, Tiger?

1. Slim Whitman III with Martha Stewart on the Tuba

2. The Limp Nixons

3. Third Rate and the Second Thoughts

4. Tex and the Bone Spurs

5. The Malicious Drones

6. The Cruel Florsheims

7. Milli!-with George Santos!

8. The Mighty, Mighty Mar-a-Lagos

9. Vanilli Ice Kyoob

10. Vanilla Manilla Vanilla

11. January Sixth Felonius Jug and Washboard Band

12. The No Talents

13. The Drop-Outs

14. The NASCARpenters

15. Pepe Covfefe

16. Multiple Cancellations due to Mental Illness and the Druids

17. Dire Straits of Hormuz

Donny, babe, I Look forward to your answer. Do not stiff me like last time.

Dave

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Thank you. We think we’ve discovered a real gem. Our nirvana. Our very own Shangri-la!

Are you really sure?

Yes, darling. Jared and I are certain. This is our 1400 hectare dream island.

I want you to consider another island.

No. No, I will not play along with your silly game. I’ve made up my mind; this beautiful place speaks to my soul. When Jared and I saw it I said this is my sacred space.

This other property I have in mind is pretty unique. To many it is nearly a sacred space. Of sorts.

Where is it?

Western hemisphere. Caribbean. Beautiful blue ocean. Isolated. Gorgeous. You’ve got to see it.

Jared has always wanted a Caribbean “lair”.

A very private retreat?

-Giggle-Just like Doctor No.

Listen, Ivanka. Twice the hectares. Half the cost. Crypto accepted. Heliport. Marina. Palatial main house. Guest cabins to die for. Courts, pools and world class beaches. And what a history. A haunt of the very rich and absurdly famous. The hoi polloi. Your jet setting friends!

Who is the seller?

Old friend of your dad!

Small world!

I’ll say. It’s Epstein Island.

I hardly knew Jeffrey. Jared was never there. I was never here. I am just a Kardashian who longs to be a simple self-actualized hippy chick.

Epstein Island can be yours for the taking. Change the name if you like.

No. I am not interested.

Ivanka Island! Perfect for you and your elite guests. Highrollers like Barron and Eric.

Ew. Ack.

And best of all, no land mines!

But.

And no angry Albanians.

But.

Listen to the amenities. A gym. Spa. Steam baths. Complete security system. Cameras. Restraints for small guests. Lubriderm storage tanks. Erotica. Exam rooms. Massage rooms. A playroom for kids.

Ew.

Your dad loved it there.

I’m so very sorry but Jared and I have an appointment with the Albanian Commissar. We’re late.

To Hell with what people say. Show them you don’t care. You’d be minutes away from your dear sweet daddy at Mar-a-Lago. He really loves his daughter.

It was nice visiting with you.

Every visitor to Epstein island gets a courtesy bathrobe from the realtor. Embrace your privilege. Flaunt it.

Excuse us. We’ll just be leaving this way.

Picture the headline! JARED AND IVANKA BUY EPSTEIN ISLAND. There’s billions to be laundered. A whole new generation of influencers waiting to be blackmailed. And no Albanian land mines!

Epilogue:

Headlines did follow. ALBANIA LAUNCHES CORRUPTION INVESTIGATION INTO JARED AND IVANKA’S $5B RESORT and ALBANIANS PROTEST IVANKA’S PROPOSED ECO-RESORT were just the beginning.

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Captain America and The Hulk formally invite Pope Leo XIV to join “The Avengers” team

AFTER TRUMP’S $10M “REFLECTING POOL” RENOVATION POOL LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME

Tucson residents “alarmed” to find frost on Margarita glasses threatened by summer heat

Aides reveal Trump expected war in Iran to last as long as Putin expected war in Ukraine to last

Trump “loses his s—t” in “Meet the Press” interview, recovers it when President’s diaper found in NBC men’s washroom trash receptacle

$150,000 Powerball ticket winner resides in area arroyo, eats “roadkill”, sees “visions”, on Trump shortlist to head SEC or FTC

“DISCLOSURE DAY” REVIEW: Aliens disclose contents of entire Epstein File in Spielberg’s best epic yet

FLESH-EATING SCREWWORM DETECTED IN TEXAS CATTLE; RFK, JR., ISSUES MISSING CHILD REPORT

IN HISTORIC MADISON GARDEN FIRST, TRUMP SITS IN FRONT OF A COURT WITHOUT FACING CRIMINAL CORRUPTION CHARGES

Fox News beamed to parallel universe to dismiss booing of Trump, his cratering polls; Brian Kilmeade reintegrated with head of fly

SCREWWORM FOUND TO HAVE CONTRACTED HANTAVIRUS, HEGSETH CITES PROPHECY IN REVELATIONS

Trump threatens to “kill Iran a million times”

BOB DYLAN CELEBRATES TURNING 85 BY AGREEING TO PERFORM AT TUCSON’S NEW PASCUA YAQUI ASSISTED LIVING CASINO

MAGA stunned: Democrat Plattner wins Maine Senate primary with 1/1000th scandal baggage of face of the Republican Party

Trans-obsessed Republican candidates place last in primaries, analysts suggest possibility they were “shunned because they’re assholes”

Iran standoff: Trump threatens to paint himself into corner, perplexing mullahs

Plan for Colorado River to cut Arizona supply by 40%, MAGA shrugs “We don’t bathe anyway”

Governor Hobbs, lawmakers reach $18.29-billion budget, GOP celebrates by using school voucher funds to buy confetti, sparklers, champagne and ether

ARIZONA, NEVADA AGREE TO TRADE HOOVER DAM GIFT SHOP FOR CALIFORNIA’S DESALINATED PACIFIC OCEAN WATER

ANGRY BOOS ERUPT AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN WHEN TRUMP IS SEEN ON KNICKS JUMBOTRON FULLY AWAKE

Former MAGA Sheriff of Pinal County able to afford multi-million dollar home with rohypnol storage tanks

SHOCKER: MAGA Mark Lamb threatened to “send state troopers” after woman if she publicly shared nude photos he had sent her

Long-time area resident complains “politicians running never send me anything fun in the mail”

Marana Mayor Jon Post announces entire town to be razed for world’s largest data center planned on site of former city “for good paying jobs”

TRUMP BOOED IN NYC PARK WATCHING CHECKERS GAME, , BOOED AT SHUFFLEBOARD FINALS, BOOED TAKING IN PICKLEBALL, BOOED BY HOPSCOTCHERS

Families struggle to buy food, gas, as President spends taxpayer millions to get booed at losing Knicks’ game

Arizona MAGA Senate candidate Mark Lamb moves to Tennessee, misreads map

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The building shook from the distant blasts and the thunderous roar of the battle in overhead. The sounds of large metallic things falling out of the night sky over Washington, D.C. grew closer. Chaos echoed across the old marble floors as the old mansion was pelted with falling debris and flying chandeliers.

The Commander-in-Chief raced down to America’s last refuge.

When the elevator doors opened Trump scanned the entire bunker for his throne and his wall of television screens. He loosened his red tie, planted his plump rump, found the gold remote, dug his dirty gold phone, covered in prints, smudges and mystery specks, out of his pocket and, frantically pecked away, posting post after post on Truth Social, as the sounds of calamity grew closer.

“This is your President. Ask not where we can fight them! Remember the I have activated the drones on the roof above me. My drones. THE ONES I HAD TO FIGHT CONGRESS TO GIVE ME. I’m not going down without a fight. We are making OUR SOLAR SYSTEM great again! WHERE”S NATO?”

It landed above an earlier post featuring a timely gif of anti-aircraft missiles firing off the White House roof into the Washington sky. For that post President Trump wrote:

“No flying saucers will take this country down on my watch. We wouldn’t have this MARS PROBLEM IF IT WASN’T FOR JOE BIDEN. They’re crafty little green men but we’re craftier. Secretary of Intergalactic War “Buzz” Hegseth assures me we have them outgunned. AT THE SAME TIME We are in TOUGH negotiations with the Prime Minister of Mars, Mr. or Mrs. Uldsspresstasither, as we speak. LIKE DART VADAR I am not afraid to use our Ultra-secret Death Star. I WILL NEVER SURRENDER. I WILL NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR CALLING MARS A SHITHOLE PLANET. Boycott Mars Bars! The people of earth love me. Thank you for your attention to this matter.”

The next post was long, demented and dramatic.

“My beautiful White House drones have taken to the air and are obliterating the Martian terrorists. WHICH KILLER DRONES? MY White House drones— from the White House drone port that some really shameful nasty congressmen didn’t want to fund.”

The war between Mars and Earth went on and on, until, from his secret location, President Trump posted the following:

“I just made a great deal with the Martians. I am now Governor of this planet which will no longer be known as “Earth”. Earth is now named “Trump”. So you have the Sun, Venus, Mars, Trump, Your Anus, Saturn, terrible cars and Pluto, the dog. And then there’s the center of the universe. Me.

NOTE TO MY STUPID CRITICS: It was the Ballroom that impressed the Martians. And the sheep-like stupidity of my enablers.

I am appointing Todd Blanche to be my Ambassador to Mars and Pluto.

Trump’s ridiculous assertion was a lie, the Martians were not impressed by his insipid ballroom and Blanche never took questions.

As Secretary Rubio negotiated a surrender by American forces to the Martian invaders, Trump, incommunicado beneath the rubble, continued to post, cheering on the war effort.

“We’re winning and it’s because of my drones. Shame on those woke losers in the senate who were upset when I launched MY DRONES a year ago and killed those protestors, terrorists really, in Lafayette Park or so they said, and that was a lie, the kind of sick depraved lie that the sick disgusting media loves. Why do they lie? The protestors were on The Ellipse when I ordered my drones to mow them down.”

Unknown to Trump his posts were blocked. Thousands and thousands of posts posted and years of confinement passed and war raged above. He became a forgotten man. He watched FOX reruns from 11AM until 9PM and then he posted his thoughts every night from 9PM until 5AM in the morning. He ate cheeseburgers and slept the rest of the time.

The years passed for the 47th President in his well-stocked impenetrable bunker sealed beneath tons of ballroom rubble. As small green Martian occupation forces began appearing in American cities Trump remained buried in his bunker, comfortable wearing only an adult diaper, cut off from the world’s news.

“I know my Secretary of Intergalactic War is putting up a good fight even though he thought the Martian Invasion was Rapture at first and was pretty happy about it but once he saw the Martians weren’t white he put on his war face. Go, America! Let’s go!”

As the Martians conquered the world the oblivious President posted on.

“Don’t worry about me I’m safe in my beautiful bunker underneath my fantastic ballroom. And the yes, those are the sounds of people banging on the doors, desperate to get in. Is it the Martians? If I let them in would that really be fair to the good people who pay good money, I’m talking top dollar, for access to yours truly? Thank you for your attention to this matter.”

A decade of fighting passed with American rebels challenging the Martian occupation. Trump’s racism often rose up.

NOW I must hide here like a Jap in a cave after WORLD WAR 2. I will do t because I love AMERICA! BANZAI FOR AMERICA! I wll nevr stop posting! I love the japanese people!! I should have had this bunker stocked with more cheeseburgers.

Once the Martians had been defeated the newly elected American government voted to cut all funding for the excavation of the old Trump White House bunker and the rescue of the sole inhabitant within.
And so the digging stopped and silence fell above the former President.

Hello? HapPpy 97th Birtda t2 me wher cud every ONE be???? Where is my base? JD! Where are you?

Centuries out from this period of great interplanetary strife White House tour guides said the earthen mound beside the American White House was a very special “mausoleum” known as the Tomb of the Unknown Fascist devoted to our victory over the Martians and Fascism.

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Down at the Arroyo Cafe I was drinking my usual morning cup of Roasa’s brew when I overheard two Zonies going on about some dire threat…

I’m telling you, you pecker head, this is as serious as a wild fire!

Uh-huh.

As serious as an asteroid heading right for us!

Uh-huh.

The end of our dad-blamed democracy!

Holy Jalapeños! What are you so excited about? Jumping around like a kangaroo rat, blowing dust up my chaps.

I’m telling you, sidewinder, far-right extremists are going after our right to vote early and by mail right here in our home state of Arizona. Right here!

Uh-huh.

The Trump MAGA nuts want to get rid of voting by mail!

Uh huh.

That’s a serious threat to our democratic system right here in God’s litter box, sidewinder. We been doing it this way since pterodactyls flew over “A” mountain.

That’s a while.

Do you know how many of us vote by mail?

Not a clue.

More than 3/4ths of us vote by mail, sidewinder!

Let me do the math. Would that be 75%?

You’re a genius.

U of A. Class of ‘77. Back when it was an academic institution.

Well, aren’t you the pride of the Wildcats?

So 75%! of us vote by mail. Well, lick my envelope, whoa and howdy. We Arizonans sure do like to vote by mail. So, tell me. What’s the problem?

That’s just it. There is no problem, sidewinder. MAGA is lying, saying there’s rampant fraud so they can disenfranchise voters by cutting out vote by mail.

Is that true?

Do javelina stink? Is Padre Kino Catholic? Are tortillas round? Yes, it’s true! As true as our sky is blue.

But what about the fraud? There’s got to be some fraud?

There’s as much voter fraud in Arizona as there are polar bears. There’s no evidence that voter fraud has ever been significant enough to impact an election’s outcome. It’s a straw man. Less than a percent.

What? That small?

Yup. MAGA uses non-existent “Voter Fraud” Like a boogeyman to scare voters no smarter than chickens. It’s all just a bucket of cold Gila Monster spit. But it’s working. Our Republican legislature—

The Waco of our state.

—Our Republican legislature-

The Ruby Ridge of reason. Arizona’s Fentanyl lab of democracy.

Yep-those pinheads-are doing everything they can to foul the election waters for 2026 by restricting voting access. They’re working to pass a veto-proof bill to do away with mail-in voting! Not even the Governor could stop this one if the majority votes for it. The petition to preserve early and mail-in voting in our constitution is the only way to save our vote!

Dang and damn. Sounds like it could be catastrophic!

This is deadly serious, sidewinder.

What can I do to protect my vote? What can ordinary desert rats like us do?

Plenty. You and me, and everyone we know, we gotta get the Free, Fair and Secure Elections Act on the November 2026 ballot.

The what?

The Free, Fair and Secure Elections Act. That sucker will protect mail-in voting. Forever. All we need is 500,000.

Dollars?

Signatures!

Oh! It’s a petition!

I got a copy here, if you want to read the proposed amendment: https://apps.arizona.vote/electioninfo/assets/69/0/BallotMeasures/I-08-2026%20Free,%20Fair%20and%20Secure%20Elections%20Act.pdf

Can you summarize it for me? I’m an ASU grad and reading ain’t my strong suit.

This here ballot initiative, filed with the Arizona Secretary of State’s office, would permanently protect early and mail-in voting by writing it directly into the state constitution, removing the Legislature’s power to change a damned thing. That’s pretty much it.

Sounds sensible.

You going to sign a petition with me?

Happily.

And you’ll come with me to pick up some petitions to pass around?

You and I are going to do our part to enshrine vote by mail in our state constitution.

For democracy. I’m in.

We don’t have much time. Another Arizona MAGA lawmaker just announced a lame bill to end our right to vote early.

What?

They can only win when they cheat. And Trump and his minions are desperate to survive this mid-term.

And Arizona is a key state in this mid-term, right?

That’s right, sidewinder.

How much time do we have to get the signatures?

We only have until July 2nd to collect more than 300,000 of those precious signatures to make sure it’s on our November ballot. Check out the Protect the Vote Arizona website here on my laptop: https://protectthevoteaz.com/Right there on the home page is a place for you to sign up to volunteer and to pick up some petitions. I’m signing up now. You coming with me, sidewinder?

Yup. For free elections. For fair elections. For democracy.

Sidewinder, this election fight will make this one Hell of summer to remember. I’ll bring the clipboards and pens.

I’ll bring the sunscreen.

We’ll both bring hope.

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